Secret Love (Jenlisa)

Chapter 20

A/N: Double update! :)
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Lisa's POV

The week had gone by so quickly and we had grown close again while enjoying each other's company and time spent together.

She had touched my heart in a way that no one had done before. She truly had become a very close and dear friend to me, and it saddened me that we couldn't have more than that. 

I never let it go beyond cuddling with her and I, even though at times I felt Jennie wanted to kiss me and she would lean into me to kiss me but I would pull away or turn my face from her.

She never got upset or asked me why, and with me leaving on Monday I just didn't want to go through the emotional hurt of loving her and then having to leave, so I pushed her away and held my emotional walls up, and would only allow it to go no further than the cuddling. 

I wanted more with her, but I knew it could never be, so I had to keep my own feelings on check.

I knew she was still in love with her husband and was confused with this situation and her feelings for me, so I couldn't let myself get on that roller coaster again with her, though it was such a struggle for me every day to maintain that front of pushing her away and not wanting her. 

I wanted to reach out to her, to love her, to be with her, but I just knew I couldn't.

We spent a wonderful weekend together, playing around with each other, joking, and just really enjoying ourselves.

Jennie cooked some meals, and I cooked my homemade chili for her over the weekend. We ordered takeout as well, and just enjoyed each other's company over the weekend.

But the ominous Monday was soon approaching and my nerves started to act up. 

Sunday evening found us both on the couch again relaxing with each other, but tonight I was quiet in my thoughts about how tomorrow would go.

"Lisa, you're awfully quiet over there. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Jennie. I was just thinking how great of a week it has been with you, and I'm just going to miss that when I leave, so I guess that is on my mind a bit..."

"Oh, I see," Jennie said quietly, almost sounding upset. But why...?

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Jennie's POV

She still wants to leave, I thought to myself sadly. 

Well I guess I haven't given her any indication that I want her here longer but how can I tell her that I want more with her. I guess I don't blame her for pulling away the past few times when I have tried to get close to her, considering what I did to her the last time. 

She's probably scared and confused about how I will react again, and then of course, my husband. Damn, I wish I knew myself how I could straighten all of this out, but I do know one thing...which is that I love her and don't want to lose her.

I should tell her this, but after what happened last time, I'm sure she would be skeptical of my feelings for her, and I don't blame her for feeling that way.  

I just don't know what to say to her. 

~~~

Lisa's POV

We both sat on the couch in silence in our own thoughts. I didn't know how to tell her about tomorrow, so I will tell her then. I just want to enjoy this last night with her.