Passion In The Game

Be At Peace

"Dear Ben,

It's been too long, hasn't it? That's my fault. Everything is my fault. You shouldn't think it was all you who put yourself away. If I could press rewind and go back, I would. I'd save you. I guess it's too late to say what I would have done, what I should have done.

I miss you. I wish I could come see you. I want you to get better. Don't do anything for me. Do it for you. I'm sorry I'm not there like a promised. That's something else that's my fault. I should be there, holding your hand, talking to you. I'm living the good life and you are wasting away, alone.

I want you at peace, Ben. To see you smile and walk free would be the sweetest thing. First chance I get, I'm flying back to Texas to see you. You just get better. Be at peace, Ben.

With love,

Rayna"

Rayna sent her letter. Within two weeks, events rushed past. Anthony's birthday, Seahawks had one more game before the playoffs and planning for what was on the horizon. Anthony had Rayna's ring and had no idea how to propose to Rayna. He wanted the moment to be perfect.

The game was against the Dallas Cowboys. Rayna sat in the V.I.P skybox wearing a Cowboys jersey to taunt Anthony. They made a playful little bet. If Anthony won the game, Rayna would have to burn her jersey and had to post a video saying how much of a Seahawks fan she was. If they lost, Rayna could paint Anthony's nails silver and navy blue.

"So, how do you think this will go?" Alexis said.

The score was 14-3 at halftime, Seahwaks up by eleven.

"I don't wanna burn my jersey." Rayna whined.

"It's only halftime." Alexis said patting her back.

Rayna whined. Her phone rang as she groaned. She was sure it was someone in her family calling to mock her that her team was losing. She pulled out her phone to look at the caller I.D. Her 16 year old sister Maya was calling. Right when she was about to answer the call stopped.

She went into her text messages and sent her text. "Did you call me?"

Right when she sent it, Tellis called. She picked up and went out into the hallway.

"Hey Tellis" she said. "What's going on?"

"Rayna" he said. He sounded so distressed.

"What's going on? Maya just called me but then the call cut off." Rayna said.

"Rayna, you uh. You need to come home." he said straining.

"Why? What's wrong?" Rayna said.

"Is everything ok?" Alexis whispered. Rayna held up a finger to her in response.

"Tellis? What's going on?" Rayna said worried.

"Rayna. I wish I didn't have to tell you this...Ben died." he said.

Rayna felt her heart deflate and fall to her stomach. She dropped her phone, leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor.

"Rayna. What happened?" Alexis said grabbing her hands.

"Miss Clarke?" one of the security guards Anthony assigned for her said.

"What's wrong?" Alexis said. Rayna let the tears fall. She couldn't breath. It had to be lie. This couldn't be real.

"I need to leave." was all Rayna managed to get out of her mouth.

"Tell Anthony we've left when the game is over." Alexis told the security guard as she helped Rayna to her feet.

Alexis got Rayna to the car. "What happened?"

"Ben's gone." Rayna said.

Alexis didn't need more of an explanation. She dropped Rayna off at her house and asked if she needed her to stay. Rayna ,through the tears and the hurt, said no and went inside her house. Once she got inside, she broke down. She let out all that she was holding in.

This had to be the worst pain she ever felt. A huge part of her life had just been ripped from her. Rayna felt her soul drain through her tears and she wept and screamed in her home, wishing that it was all a dream and that she'd wake up right next Anthony so he could hold her, comfort her. Though, she didn't get that. She had to endure this alone. There was nothing to aid this. This was death and death was a cruel being with no heart, no soul, no regard for who loved who. Ben was gone and Rayna had to figure out how to go on without knowing he still had a chance.

Anthony was dabbing up his teammates in the locker room.

"Anthony, you done for the day?" Terry said.

"Yeah. I called Rayna a few minutes ago. It went straight to voicemail so I'm going to go home and see if she's ok." Anthony said.

"She probably just mad she has to burn her jersey." Terry laughed.

"Yeah. Come on." Anthony said. Terry grabbed his stuff and they headed for the door.

"Mr. Steele." the security guard said.

"Tyson. What's going on?" Anthony said. "Rayna didn't leave too upset did she?"

"I'm afraid so, sir. She got this phone call and she said that she had to go. She left right when halftime started." the security guard said. "Whatever it was. It didn't look good."

"What?" Terry said.

"Miss Clarke was crying. She looked distraught or something." Tyson said.

"Thanks man." Anthony said hurrying past him. "I gotta get home."

Terry caught up to him when they got to Anthony's truck.

"Calm down. I'm sure it's no big deal." Terry said.

"Rayna wouldn't cry over something silly. I need to make sure she's ok." Anthony said getting into his car.

"Ok man. Be safe and call me." Terry said.

"I will."Anthony said starting up the truck then pulling out. 

Anthony made it home and ran up the stairs as quick as he could, taking huge lunges to get to the second floor. He went into his bedroom to see Teenie whining in the entrance way of their closet. He looked in to see clothes spread out all over the floor with an empty suitcase. He walked in to see Rayna laying on the floor, crying. Rayna looked up at him and sat up as he crashed into her, hugging her. He let her crying in the crook of his neck. 

Anthony didn't speak. He just let Rayna fall apart in his arms. He felt so warm and welcoming but, Rayna just couldn't keep it together. It took a while before Rayna could finally stop the excessive sobbing and be audible.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he said softly, rocking her.

"Ben died." she sobbed.

"Oh my God. Rayna, I'm so sorry." he said. He repositioned himself so she'd be sitting in his lap. He rocked her, trying to ease her pain. He wished he could just absorb all of her pain. Make everything go away. It couldn't stand seeing her cry. It made him want to cry but he had to be strong for his woman. Her being hurt just twisted his insides.

Anthony offered to go with her to Texas, but she refused everytime he asked. All he could was put her on the first flight for Houston and pray for her. He didn't want her to go through this alone. Anthony felt like he should have been there with her to hold her, comfort her, hold her hand during the funeral, let her cry on his shoulder at night. He knew she wasn't shutting him out, Rayna just wanted to do this on her own. Even though, she probably shouldn't.

Rayna was about to go back to Texas for the first time in 3 years. There was a storm coming and Rayna and her family were going to be in the eye of it all.