𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀

XLVII. Memories

     Chapter 47, Memories
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    I do not own nor did I partake in any action of the song 'Memories' by Conan Gray, all rights and credits go to Conan Gray and his management.
  Go listen to Memories right now!!!

    " I've always had a fear of dying young or dying alone, but everyone has to face their fears one day. "

   ~ Scarlett's POV ~

         The summer is finally here, the nights i get to stay up and the days i get to spend time with my family, friends and boyfriend.
     But right now, i was sitting on my bedroom floor as i hummed the melody of my new song which would be posted on my YouTube channel for fun, I was good with the music as well.

    When i finished with the song, i grabbed my camera and set it up before grabbing my notebook and guitar.
   As I began to strum my guitar, in the back of my mind, i thought of the song Atlantis by Seafret.

     This song was dedicated to Layla, no matter how hard I try to get her to stay in the past, she tries her best to stay in my life and just ruin it for me.
   I looked into my camera and smiled before I began to hum along and then finally singing, i didn't know why i was stalling this long.

    "It's been a couple months, that's just about enough time for me to stop crying when i look at all the pictures now i kinda smile, i haven't felt that in a while."

     I sang the first part of the first verse, if I'm being honest, i felt embarrassed singing to a camera but at the same time I didn't really mind it since I know I have viewers that actually watch and enjoy my singing.
   My first time singing in front of a camera would be when i first wrote Butterflies which was about Jaden, other than that, I barely sing in front of a camera.

   Not that I'm camera shy, i just feel second hand embarrassment if you understand that.

  "It's late, i hear the door bell ringing and it's pouring, I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance you just wanna talk and I can't turn away, oh, I don't."

   Writing a song that comes from the heart and soul is always made to be a good song for those who care about things like that, I took a deep breath and looked over at my phone before facing the camera again.
  That's the same phone I had when i was best friends with Layla, and I can't help but feel some sort of guilt when I go through my camera roll and see nothing of hers or ours there.

   "But please don't ruin this for me, please don't make it harder than it already is, I'm trying to get over this.."

   I already got the Pre-Chorus out of the way which meant it was now time for the chorus, the moment I've been waiting but also dreading.
  
   "I wish that you would stay in my memories, but you show up today just to ruin things. I wanna put you in the past cause I'm traumatized but you're not letting me do that, cause tonight you're all drunk in my kitchen curled in fetal position too busy playing the victim to be listening to me."

   I had to take a moment to catch my breath since this part was like a little quicker than normal, also because I was getting a little bit emotional.

   "When i say i wish that you would stay in my memories."

  Have you ever wanted to just push that person into the little box you had them in which was in your memories but they want to come out just to ruin things, because that's all they know how to do?
 
   "Now i can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night, you see it's hard to find an to something that you keep beginning over and over again, i promise that the ending always stays the same."

    I've been keeping the biggest secret from everyone and I knew that it would be revealed soon, so i thought that i would share with you first.
   Layla and I were both the best of friends, that meant we were like soulmates but in friendship form, then something began to change in me which was a little scary I'll admit.

    Turns out knowing someone you're whole life and being their best friend changes you, by that i mean it changes the way you see them as a person.
   For some people it's like their sister but to me, it was like she had become my crush and there was nothing i could say or do to make her love me the way i loved her.

    Obviously those feelings died and I began to see other people as my crushes, but that never changed the fact that I loved Layla more than a friend but never got the courage to tell her.
   I used to hate myself for it but now I'm glad that i never told her, I'm not sure how good or bad she would treat me in the relationship.

   "So there's no good reason make believing that we could ever exist again. I can't be your friend, can't be your lover, can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love, with somebody other than me."

    This secret couldn't be let out though, that's why I never wrote it in case someone would read my journal and tell everyone that I had a crush on this one girl that turned out to be a horrible person.
   Besides, it's nothing I'm proud of.

"I wish that you would stay in my memories but you show up today just to ruin things. I wanna put you in the past cause I'm traumatized but you're not letting me do that, cause tonight you're all drunk in my kitchen curled in the fetal position too busy playing the victim to be listening to me."

   I never really believed that i was a good singer or that i was a good song writer, i just sort of felt like this was my passion if i couldn't be great at this then what can I be great at?

   "When i say, i wish that you would stay in my memories. Since you came i guess I'll let you stay for as long as it takes to grab your books and your coat and that one good perfume that you bought when we were fighting."

    It's no surprise Layla and I fought but she would always buy my things to make up for it, i didn't want the things she bought me but I didn't want to face her again so I kept them and just pretended Jaden, Xiomara, Kylee, Javon, Jaysean, Jayla, Cora or Delilah bought me it.

   "Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that i own and it makes me feel like dying, i was barely just surviving."

    I do hope that Layla feels some sort of sickness everytime she thinks about her bullying me to the point that i almost got sick.

    " I wish that you would stay in my memories but you show today just to ruin things, i wanna put you in the past cause I'm traumatized but you're not letting me do that cause tonight you're all drunk in my kitchen curled in the fetal position too busy playing the victim to be listening to me."

   
    I do hope that Layla gets back pain for everytime she is reminded that she back stabbed me and that i will never forgive her, i hope someone does that to her as well.

   "When i say, i wish that you would stay in my memories..."

     I finished singing and turned the camera off before I uploaded the video to my laptop and then got straight to work, as i was editing, i decided that I would go live just to pass the time.
   My life was flooded with comments and people asking me to say hi or i love you to them, i did that anyways because they're the reason I'm here anyways.

   One question that caught my eye was the 'what's your fear' question.

  " I've always had a fear of dying young or dying alone but everyone has to face their fears one day. "

    I smiled and then ended the live an hour later before I posted my song, this was certainly one way to start my summer.