Honey's POV
Enzo fell asleep after we made love.
I was thinking of how to leave him.
Call me stupid, but I know Enzo would be crazy to know that I am dying so I don't have the heart to tell him. I want to break up with him so he can find his new love. He would never do that if I just let him be with him until my last breath. I need to tell him that I am over him so he can hate me and move on.
It would hurt me. It would hurt me more if he won't love anyone else after me. Enzo deserves to be happy. I don't want him to be stuck in my memories.
I know Enzo so much. I am his first love. I don't want to be his last too. If he could forget me, better. I am not selfish, but yes, I know what I am doing is stupid.
Ahhhhh. Shit! My stomach! This fucking hurts. If the doctor would ask me to scale the pain, I would go for 11/10. My body curled up in bed. Enzo can't know this. I can't call my dad too because he will go panic and probably cause a scene here.
It is fucking painful. I bit my fingers to divert the pain. Shit!
Enzo moved.
Baby, what happened?"
"What hurts? Your stomach?" He is in a panic state.
"It's a prank. You are funny, baby. You should have seen your face. Epic." I tried to laugh.
"Don't joke like that. You look pale. I still need to bring you to the clinic." He changed his clothes.
"I just have diarrhea. I want to wake you up because you are snoring. Pooping time. Go back and sleep again." I kissed him and entered the restroom.
It fucking hurts. I think I am going to faint because of the pain I am feeling right now. I have to calm down to ease it. This is one of my personality, I tend to suffer alone. I don't want people to see my weakness. But right now, I am close to calling my dad.
"Baby, after that, we still need to make sure that you are okay. I called the doctor already. He is on his way here." Enzo said from the other side of the door. He can't do that. That would reveal my secret. This might be wrong to hide it from him, but I know Enzo so well. He would go crazy over it. I don't want him to waste his time feeling sorry for me. I want our last days as a couple to be happy. After that, I would break his heart by telling him that I don't love him anymore. I am stupid for doing that but it's the only way Enzo could go and be with someone else. When I am gone, I don't want him to grieve forever. He deserves someone that call would love him and stay with him forever. I am not that someone.
Pancreatic cancer. The cancer is borderline resectable and the survival rate to be alive for five years is only 13 percent. I am dying. The doctor said chemo and surgical operation can remove the tumor. But that's how all the doctor will say. Just in case the operation went well, it would still not be back to normal. When we first found out that four months ago, cancer had already spread outside my pancreas so we already started the chemo before my surgery. This is hereditary. My grandfather died when my dad was just five years old. I don't trust the surgery actually. I know I have no hope. I just need to find a way and leave Enzo peacefully. If only I knew that this will happen to me, I would have never approached Enzo and be part of my life. I have nothing to offer to him. I am not even a good boyfriend. What I want is for Enzo to be happy. I mean it.
Enzo just went outside and returned to the room.
"Baby, please." Enzo touched my hair.
"I am sleepy. I am really okay."
I turned to the other side of the bed.
I will be okay.
~~~~~~~~
"Submissive bottom."
"Yes, baby? What is it?" Enzo asked.
I was staring at Axl's fiance. Axl just brought a guy here on the third floor after a month of meeting him. Who is this guy?
He looks submissive, has low self-esteem, looks neat freak. He looks smart but I wonder what is he keeping behind that innocent face?
I am assessing this new guy.
I messaged my cousin to give me details about this guy. I know I have met him before but I just can't remember where.
Trent's ex-boyfriend. He got an awesome ex here. It may cause a problem on his relationship with Axl in the future.
"You'll stay here tonight, right? It's been two weeks that you are not sleeping here." Enzo asked.
"Yes, I will."
"Damn, I miss you so much." He hugged me tightly.
It hurts. Fuck.
"Yeah, tonight." I told him. I feel a lot better these past few days. I had bruises on my body as one of the side effects and when I sleep with him he would notice it for sure. He even knows the exact location of my moles. He would know everything.
I don't want to mingle with that new guy yet so I just stayed in Enzo's room. I always feel tired and lazy. I hope Enzo has no idea that I am hiding a huge truth from him. It would break him. He would move on if I chose to break his heart, but not when I left him because of my illness. I hope he can unlove me now.
I woke up early to take my medicines in their vacant room. I am collecting a video of myself which I hope there would be no chance for Enzo to see it. Because if he does, it only means one thing, I am already gone.
This decision is hard for me too. My dad keeps telling me that this is a bad idea and Enzo should know what is happening.
This new guy saw my bruise and I can tell that he is suspecting me. I would just like to finish Axl's wedding and leave already. I want to leave as early as possible. The last thing I would want is Enzo to see the ugly me. I am not ready for that. I don't want him to witness my body slowly deteriorating. At least in his last memory of me, I am beautiful.
I went home. Shine was there waiting for me.
"Shut up, bitch. I don't want to hear your explanations. I get it, you have a crush on my boyfriend. But I won't allow you to be with him even if I die."
"Honey, he is yours. I am not trying to take him away from you and besides, he would never leave you. It's just a simple admiration. I have no plan of making a move on him." Shine answered me. His eyes are telling the truth.
"What if I die? Would you date him when I am gone?"
"Why are you asking that?" He asked me back.
"What if! Duh!"
"Then, if Enzo would like me..."
"The answer is NO, shine. You shouldn't. I don't want Enzo dating you even if I leave him. You can't."
"Calm down, Honey. Okay! I promise I won't. I am just here because I heard from Bianca that you are not attending classes. But according to Enzo, you are busy with your papers. What's happening here?" Shine asked me with a hint of worry.
According to my research, I really had a low probability of living longer than two years. I am already preparing myself. Once they cut me open, I could die on the spot. As it has spread outside my pancreas as well. It would be more terminal if it reach the organs. That is why I am undergoing chemotherapy to shrink the tumors.
My boyfriend messaged me. "I miss you again, baby. They are busy preparing for the wedding. Do you think we can go to the resort earlier to rest? Sounds like a plan?"
"Not interested. I am going to sleep."
"I'll go to your house then. I love you so much."
"No. I'll see you tomorrow." I replied coldly.
"Baby. I am sick. I am coughing real hard. I want you to take care of me." Enzo said that made me cry. I ran to my room and tell him that I am sick too. Enzo is such a baby when he has a fever. He would want me to feed him and pet him.
To Enzo's next boyfriend, I hope you can love him as I do. He would love you to play with his hair until he falls asleep. Please don't touch his knee because he will be annoyed. Let him finish when he is talking because he doesn't like anyone cutting him off. You should reply to him right away or he will disturb your parents even in a meeting to ask about your whereabouts. When he said avoid that guy, avoid him. Do not make him jealous. Do not make him sad. Be with him forever, because I cannot.
