Straying From The Game

Chapter 9 Heart Status

Chaeyoung

After I escaped from the dorm, I made my way to the upper floor and entered Lisa's apartment. I sighed as I drop myself on the couch. I've been here 5 days ago, but today is more special. It's been 12 years since I met Lisa on that elevator and though we're apart now, it still holds a special place in my heart. Today is special.

I just sat there, staring at nothing, while my thoughts run around freely. First, I thought about Lisa. Does she even still think of me like I do? Everytime she encounter things, words or actions that we've been seeing, hearing or doing together, does she think of me as well? I don't think so. If she do, she should have atleast contacted me even just once since she left, but it's been 8 months and she didn't reach out. I myself has tried calling her the first month but what's the point if she is adamant to run away?

I am actually surprised by myself when I slowly started to accept the fact that maybe we aren't meant for each other. For the past two months, after my birthday, I started opening my eyes to the cruel reality. Well, it's not actually cruel if it means finding happiness again from someone else other than Lisa.

Genie's innocent but sweet actions that day really warmed my heart. She started it with a breakfast in bed, which is way too romantic, but I can see it's just a friendly way for her. She tried very hard to get Bolt for me at the arcade and I was more touched at her sincerity. Up to the surprises at the dorm, which I learned later on was her general idea as well. Her gift which I opened the day after made my heart swell and pounding fiercely with joy. I'm very lucky to have meet her in this life, aren't I?

When she tackled me on the floor however shifted things for me. I don't know what happened there, and I blame it on the alcohol, but I know in myself that my desire that night is a result of all the good things she has done for me. Okay, I'm not lying anymore, that's just a little part of it, but seeing her on top of me straddling me and her chest rubbing on my face as she tried to pin my hand, really did it. I'm just a human being after all, I shouldn't be blamed that much should I? That's what made me bold to follow her in her room but when I saw the fear in her eyes and after she pleaded me to stop, I felt like a very cold water was spilled on my head. Her understanding and sincerity however made me relax.

Her question during our truth or dare game made me think really. Have I moved on from Lisa already. Out of drunkenness and from this morning's events, I confidently replied Yes but she didn't believe me. Now that I'm rethinking it, that was probably just half a lie. It was on that day that I realized I'm starting to really move on.

I would admit that three kisses has a big part with that change. Not the desire, but knowing that she let me kiss her knowing I need an outlet for my mixed feelings got me. Yes I'm drunk that time but the understanding and care that was displayed in her face that night calmed me. I never saw any hint of pity and that's more of a reason to thank her.

Jisoo unnie's warning that one of us may fall with each other and will end up hurting got me thinking too. I don't believe I'm stuck with Lisa anymore as she said, but truly, I can't also say that I'm now ready to start anew. As for Genie, she seems committed to our friendship, so I don't think it won't bother her if I unconsciously shift my attention to her. She will just consider everything as a friendly thing right, or that stupid fan service?

And so I did. I tried to keep my focus on Genie instead and thinks of Lisa less and less times than before. I would distract myself with her. I showed her all the care I once showered Lisa with. And all these, she just considered it a friendly way, and fan service, which really made me mad when she voiced it out.

My solo project gave me the chance to be much closer to her as they barely left my side until they went on their individual activities. Just a week of separation and I badly missed her already.