Shades of Chase (English Version)

Epilogue

To all the international readers out there who took time to read this, thank you so much. To my dear reader who recommended Shades of Chase on Tiktok, this wouldn't be possible if it's not because of you. I owe it to you, beb. Of course, the last but not the least, to the person who translated this (you know who you are) a huge thank you for loving Chase and his alters. I love you, ate!

Allison and Chase together with his alters are now signing off. Thank you everyone ❤️

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"How are you doing these past few weeks? You did not attend your appointments."

I puffed a deep breath out after that question came out of Dra. Silvan's mouth. I can feel her heavy stares at me, waiting for my answer but I don't feel like talking right now. I don't even know why I came here. I don't have anything to consult her.

Or maybe, I just want to be with someone who knows my situation and what I have been dealing for the past years. Someone who understands me well even if I don't give any explanations.

I just probably needed to be with someone. But not someone to talk to.

"Are you alright, Chase?"

I scoffed. "I have never been alright, Cynthia. You know that."

"Are they still bothering you? The switching didn't lessen? Can't you control them?"

I shook my head. "There's always a trigger in everything I do. Even in the little thing I do they resurface."

Dealing with Dissociative Identity Disorder for the past years is always putting me on the edge of leaving my sanity. Hearing about more than two voices in my head is already beyond me. There were times that I keep on asking myself why I am experiencing this. That out of all the people, why does to have to be me?

Fifteen percent of the population worldwide are experiencing this kind of disorder and I'm such a lucky bastard to be one of them. I feel, I am not able to have a normal life because of this condition of mine.

I can't be myself whenever I'm with the people I'm close with. I was worried that maybe in the middle of the time I was with them I would not be able to control myself and the rest of my alters.

What if Richard suddenly become the front? My child alter. They will surely wonder why I'm acting like a child. It would be nice if they thought I was just tripping but even so I was worried about what they might think and say against me when that happens.

The worst case scenario I could ever imagine was coming out in public as Samantha, my woman alter. I can't imagine what will happen when I come out with a woman's mannerisms and speaking voice. If someone gets to see me being like that, I'm fucking doomed.
"Why don't you have a break for the meantime, Chase? I mean, go on a vacation. Take a rest because---"

"You know I can't do that, Cynthia. I'm the only one handling all the businesses that my father left," I released a frustrated sigh and looked at her. "I guess I just really have to deal with this situation throughout my whole fucking life, huh?"

This appointment and all the upcoming meet up with Almira will be actually useless. This disorder has no cure. Even if I come here regularly for my sessions and tell her everything, it's still useless.

I have to learn to control it myself even if it's impossible for now. Right at this moment, I am still stuck in the middle of the dark tunnel, unmoving and don't know what to do.

I can't still see the light yet. I can't even feel that there is an end.

I left her clinic and went straight to my car. Bringing the engine to life, my phone suddenly rang. When I got the phone from the pocket of my pants I saw Flavian's name flashed through.