Crushes Over Papercuts- A Mid 90s Tale

Chapter 9

I paced my driveway searching for answers to questions I wasn't sure I wanted. Would Courtney continue to smile but otherwise ignore me? Would Cody tell me I wasn't invited to the next party as if I somehow offended someone by my presence? Would Mark pretend like we'd never met and turn away if I passed him in the hall?

"You're worried over nothing," Nicole said tearing me away from anxious thoughts. "Mark obviously liked you at the party."

"How do you always know what I'm thinking?"

She shrugged. "I'd probably have the same thoughts if I liked any of the boys at this school."

On Sunday I had informed the girls of my decision to crush my crush on Ben and my regret at losing Mark at the party.

I adjusted the strap on my backpack. "I think I may have ruined whatever chance I had with Mark."

Nicole searched the street for Lily's car. "Like I've said before, you could talk to him first."

"I might come off as needy if I talk to him first when I've never done that. You're supposed to let the boys chase you."

"That's a stupid rule. You can talk to whoever you want."

"True," I said. "But I may not get the reaction I want."

#

Alex leaned over the front of his desk. "How was the party?"

"Good," I whispered.

"That's it?" he sighed. "It was good?"

"We had fun. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say."

"Nothing crazy must have happened or else I would have heard about it by now." He spoke into the back of my hair. "Word spreads fast with three-way calling and pagers now."

"Yep, nothing crazy happened," I emphasized.

"You think you'll go to another one?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

I shuffled out of first period and joined the crowded hallway. My hand twisted around the strap of my backpack but I let go when Nicole's words echoed in my mind.

You're worried over nothing.

The first real opportunity to discover if my interaction with Courtney at the party reignited our old familiarity would pop up in less than three minutes. My hopes were high. After all, she was the one who called me over to the couch.

The fluorescent lights reflected off her blonde hair. Five steps, two steps. "Hi Courtney," I said.

She smiled.

My eyes fell to the ground and my backpack grew heavier as if I'd shrunk from irrelevance. Her response, or lack of response, hurt, though it never hurt before. It used to make me feel a little special but now it felt different because I hoped things might be different between us. She proved they weren't.

The rest of the day wasn't much different. I shut my locker before Ben passed my mirror but my eyes averted to him once at lunch before I stopped myself. That quick glance still burned his beautiful face, olive skin, and red tee shirt that tugged at his shoulders into my brain.

Marcus gave our table a wave when he walked past us in the cafeteria but that was mostly for Lily. She was completely smitten with him. I told her what Courtney said about him being a player on Sunday but Lily brushed it away.

"I'll keep my eyes open but I'm not going to stop talking to Marcus because of something Courtney Ritter says. Who knows what her angle is?"

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