Crushes Over Papercuts- A Mid 90s Tale

Chapter 36

"What are we going to do?" Those were the first words Lily asked before I buckled my seat belt. Fortunately, my mom didn't forbid me from riding to school with the girls. She probably felt guilty about forcing me to break up with Ben.

I stared out the window. "I've been trying to work that out all night."

"And?"

"And I still don't have anything concrete yet." I pulled out my notebook with hours of my jumbled thoughts, theories, and bad ideas scattered across the pages to share with the girls. "This is everything I have. The only thing I'm sure of is this was Courtney's doing."

Everyone nodded.

"And the only way to clear my name so I don't get suspended and kicked off the track team is to prove that she set me up." I ran my fingers down the spiral binder. "I have to prove my innocence."

Nicole held her hand out for the notebook. "How did she do it?"

"I haven't figured that out and short of convincing her to confess or find some other proof that she planted those drugs, I'm screwed."

"What about the letters?" Lauren asked. "Couldn't we somehow get it tested for fingerprints or something? Falsely accusing someone must be a crime, right?"

"I doubt I could get the police to take this seriously. Besides she's smart, far smarter than I gave her credit, so she probably wore gloves or something." I rolled my eyes, incredulous this was an actual conversation I found myself in. "Besides, the letters would only prove she sent them. It wouldn't explain away the drugs in my locker."

Lily pulled into the student parking lot. "She can't get away with this. We won't let her."

"We just have to figure out how she did it and somehow get proof that she planted the drugs." I took a deep breath. "But first Lily, I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything."

I handed her a folded-up piece up paper. "Please ask Marcus to give this to Ben."

"What does it say?"

I told them what it said and what I had to do.

Nicole stared at me. "Are you sure about this?'

I searched for Ben's Jeep in the lot but he hadn't arrived yet. "I don't want to but I don't see a better option."

#

We agreed not to talk about any of this stuff at school. It was best to let Courtney think she'd gotten away with it and that I was paying the price she had set.

I waited at Lily's car until the final bell for first period rang. My confidence was shattered when the original rumor of me doing drugs spread around but I had put all of that behind me. Fact finally caught up with the fiction of what happened that night and the gossip fell away. But that would be nothing compared to my supposed new misdeeds. This one had witnesses at my locker. I'd be surprised if even those that defended me the first time didn't think the worst now.

Before I made it through the door of first period one of the jerkoffs in the back of the room yelled "Narc!" and some of the students laughed. The word punched me in the gut. I had gone from being an ignored nerd to teased for being a drug dealer. I would have taken the former if it were still an option, but it wasn't, so I kept my head down and hurried to my chair. I sunk into the desk and hoped my over-sized sweater would swallow me up.

Alex leaned over my shoulder and whispered. "I know it's not true...you know-," he shrugged, "the drug dealing. That's not you."

Even sweet Alex believed in me yet my own mother didn't. "Thank you, Alex."

He smiled. "Let me know if I can help you."

#

I clutched the books close to my chest and avoided making eye contact with anyone as I rushed through the hallway. But it didn't stop me from feeling everyone's eyes burn into the back of my head. It was heartbreaking to have my reputation ruined by an untruth and I didn't want to deal with any of it. High school was hard enough without being singled out as a loser. I expected snide remarks and dirty looks after the debacle at my locker made the rounds but the guilty feeling I had about it all surprised me.

All of that disappeared, at least for a moment, when I saw him waiting at my locker- the man I loved and the reason Courtney was out to destroy my life. Ben and the girls were the only things keeping me upright.

Ben and I had gone from a perfect night shared together to star-crossed lovers in a matter of hours. I held my tears back, knowing the conversation I was about to have with him. He wrapped his arms around me and I sunk into him. It took everything I had to push him away from me. "We need to talk."

He brushed the hair behind my ear. "Is this what I think it is?"

I opened my locker to turn my face from his. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

I could only nod.

"You're breaking up with me?" his voice barely a whisper.

"My life has gotten out of control since we started dating and I can't live like that. I have school and track and there's not enough left of me to devote to you." I wanted to choke on the next words. "We're just delaying the inevitable."

I stared past Ben and noticed that we were being watched. My locker had become scandal central apparently. "Please accept my decision and move on. You're free to see whoever you want. I won't get in your way."

He reached for my hand but I tucked it behind me. "I love you, Jenny Bloom," he whispered only for me to hear.

I closed my locker. "You'll get over it."

#

I left him standing at my locker. I didn't even grab the books I needed for second period. I just...left him. I was in no condition to face another class of students so I wandered alone to the back of the school. It wasn't wise to skip class after yesterday's ordeal but that was the least of my worries.

I passed the bleachers and rounded the edge of the baseball field when I saw the football coach approaching so I slipped into the bathroom to hide out and avoid a detention. When I was sure it was only me and the sound of drops from an old faucet sharing the space, I let go. I fell back against the wall and slid to the ground hoping I would sink into the earth until I had no memory of who or where I was. My life was so broken that I didn't see how I could repair it.

My throat tightened. I tried to blink away the tears but I didn't have the strength. Once one escaped out of me, a downpour followed until I gave up the fight. I cried for my ruined reputation and a possible suspension or expulsion from school that would ruin my chance for college and scholarships. I cried for my mother's lost trust in me and the frustration of feeling forced to continue the lies to clear my name instead of trying to earn that trust back. I couldn't think of any other solution. But most of all, I cried for my broken heart.

When the tears finally stopped, I raised myself up, splashed some water on my face, and tried to dry away the day using the rough paper towels from the dispenser. My eyes opened and my body went rigid. The ghost of my enemy was staring down at me in the mirror's reflection. A black rectangle covered the old writing on the wall but next to it was something new "Jenny Bloom is a slut and a druggie," written in red ink with her stupid little heart over the top of the "I" in "druggie". Those eight little words both defiled and defined my life. I couldn't believe anyone could be so spiteful. She ruined my life, my reputation, and my relationships. Was there nothing this girl wasn't willing to destroy for her own vengeance?

I wiped away my smudged mascara and brushed out my hair. The truth was hidden but it still mattered...I'd make sure of it. I didn't cover over the words. I let them live on that wall and swore to myself that I'd suck the venom right out of them.