Crushes Over Papercuts- A Mid 90s Tale

Chapter 21

We spent the car ride to school replaying my Saturday with Ben even though the girls had heard it all during our three-way call on Sunday. They assured me that they hadn't heard a word about me doing drugs.

"Do you think anything will be different today?" Lauren asked.

That same question was asked the Monday after our first party and the result was No, nothing had been different but this time something was. The rumor about me being a druggie had blackened my world and it was all I could focus on as I rushed through the hallway between classes.

Was this how people saw me now?

I thought what happened at Marcus; party was behind me. Mark was gone and people didn't care about what happened to some sophomore girl at a party. But now that the rumor had made its way to me, my perspective completely flipped. I knew it wasn't true but the truth had a hard time winning against the spread of gossip.

Oh no.

Her blond ponytail swayed back and forth as she bounced on her heels. I searched for a way out, an open study hall or a corner to hide in, but there was nowhere to run.

Did she know about my weekend with Ben? Should I care?

I plastered on a smile as our steps brought us closer but my faux smile only made me feel like more like a fraud. We both liked Ben- there was no denying that. Did it mean since she had met him first that I couldn't know him? That was just the end of the story for Ben and I?

If it had been Nicole, Lily or Lauren I would have stayed far away from Ben, girl code and all, but Courtney and I weren't friends anymore and other than the brief conversations she would only have with me outside of school when she was drunk, we hadn't spoken more than five words in four years. Shouldn't Ben get to choose who he spends his time with? I wasn't even sure if there was something between Ben and I but I didn't want to stop seeing him even if it was only for a study session.

Those thoughts raced through my head faster than I could process them but before I could be confronted with the reality of our situation, she turned down another hallway.

That was different.

#

I hooked my old combination lock through my locker door and snapped it closed. I couldn't bear to witness him ignore me or worse, glance my way then look right through me.

The hallways after last period quickly filled up then quickly cleared out. The three of us were usually the last to leave since we've gotten into the habit of waiting on Lauren to finish her band class. She liked to practice her solo alone with the conductor.

This used to be my favorite part of the day and a week ago I could hide at my locker and watch him pass through the little mirror but now I wasn't invisible to him. He had seen me-spoken to me. He knew who Jenny Bloom was.

I rummaged through my backpack and tried to pay attention to Lily's and Nicole's conversation about up-dos for homecoming but I was too distracted. At lunch I had stolen a few glances towards Ben and his table but none of my looks were returned.

The players footsteps squeaked against the tile floor- a daily proclamation that football practice would soon begin. Seconds later the players passed behind me and rushed through the door of the back hallway. He was gone and he didn't acknowledge me. I hadn't either but for some reason I couldn't but he could. Maybe he didn't see me, I hoped, though I immediately dismissed that excuse when only a few of us were standing in the hallway.

"Hey Jenny."

I couldn't stop myself from following his voice and staring up. He had his gym bag in his hand and his cleats tied at the laces and thrown over his shoulder. The rest of the players had walked out but he waited in the open doorway.

I pulled my backpack further up my shoulder. "Hi Ben."

We caught eyes and my anxiety about a possible encounter between us at school melted away. He gave me a smile then left to catch up with the team.

It was such a small thing, him acknowledging me at school, but it was all so different than it had been before. It was proof that he truly existed in my real world.