Crushes Over Papercuts- A Mid 90s Tale

Chapter 30

I couldn't deny what I saw. Ben and Courtney were huddled together behind the gymnasium. Alone. I wasn't looking for either of them and I hadn't intended to see what I did. I just happened to be in the right or wrong place (I still didn't know that answer) when I stayed a little later after track practice to work some pole vault drills with Wendy.

The walk home had not silenced my mind in the least and I could do nothing to stop it from running through every possibility of what it all could mean.

Was my time with Ben up? Was he getting tips from Courtney about how to let me down gently? Did she proposition Ben again? Was I misreading it all and it meant nothing?

I didn't remember opening my front door or falling onto my bed. Everything had turned to haze and muscle memory had taken over.

Should I have waited at school to confront him instead of scurrying away before they saw me?

I shook my head. I wasn't invited to their conversation so whatever words were spoken weren't meant for me.

What if he denied it if I confronted him? But who could I believe if he did- him, or my lying eyes? No matter how much I wished it wasn't true, I couldn't deceive myself and deny the truth of what I witnessed.

I replayed it all in my head on a loop. The two of them standing only inches apart. Neither faced me so I could only make out the small details from their profiles. The words were impossible to hear but whatever they discussed was intense given their lack of smiling and tight posture. All I was certain of was that it was a conversation that was meant to stay hidden and it wasn't a happy one.

Would I end up the unhappy one?

My stomach dropped.

Was it true then? Would he always get back together with Courtney? That's what she said...what she believed.

My hand trembled when his number popped up on the caller ID at its usual time.

Was this it? Was he breaking up with me?

I debated letting the machine pick up the call but I had to know what he had to say. If our relationship was over, there was no use delaying the inevitable.

"Hi Ben," I said in the most normal voice I could muster.

"I caught some of your pole vaults today during practice. Guess those blisters from Polyester Paradise didn't hold you back like you worried."

I could hear the smile behind his words. It all still seemed so normal. "Yeah, a few bandages and ignoring the pain did the trick."

It can't be over. I love you. You told me only days ago that you weren't going anywhere. What changed?

"My sister is excited to see you again Saturday night. She's been asking about you for a while."

Dinner with his family was still on?

The haze began to lift from my mind. "I'm excited to meet your sister too and I'm super excited for her to meet me sober this time," I teased.

He wasn't breaking up with me. I was sure about that. But what and why he had a clandestine conversation with Courtney I didn't know. I wanted to know the truth but I'd wait to hear it from him.