A YEAR WITH THE BILLIONAIRE

CHAPTER 46

Jayden's POV

"What the hell is this, Isabella?" I shout at her again, making her jerk back in fear.

I haven't eaten all day and now that I have the appetite to eat something, she has ruined it.

"I'm so…so..sorry", she apologizes with her eyes closed. 

She knows how much I hate clumsiness and this is what she is doing now. I am not mad at the fact that there is water all over me but my food is ruined in addition to my loss of appetite.

I could barely eat for almost two days now and I wonder when my appetite will be back again now that it is gone.

In anger, I twirl back and walk to the closet. I should take a shower. I didn't intend to take a shower because I was too tired and hungry. I wanted to eat and go to bed but now I won't be able to sleep until I take a shower.

I grab the towel and walk to the bathroom. When I am inside with the door locked, I exhale deeply, feeling guilty for shouting at her.

Maybe I should have used the bell in the room to alert the maids to get me my food instead of sending Isabella downstairs to get it for me. Or I should have just gone downstairs myself to eat. Maybe this wouldn't have happened.

I exhale again, unbuttoning my sleep shirt and pulling it off. I get out of the shorts too before turning off the shower.

The hot water hits my head first, before dropping to every part of my body, making me shut my eyes and expelling deep sighs of relief.

The past few days have been hard for me. It was more like going back to my shell. The shell of guilt.

I didn't see the need to smile or be happy. Before Isabella came into the picture, Gabriel was always there to cheer me up whenever he noticed my mood.

Since I no longer go to clubs, he always suggests he comes over to my house and we discuss into the night but now that we are both married, we have put a stop to all of that and I miss him.

I miss the serious Gabriel. Not the playful one.

He knows the right word to use to cheer me up. He knows how best to make me feel better.

Sometimes, I like the fact that I am miserable but other times, I wish I could stop it. I wish I could stop the guilt eating me up. 

Without using soap, I wash my face with my hands before moving my hands to rub other parts of my body.

When I am done, I turn the shower off and this is when it hits me.

I have been crying.

The tears have been mixing with the shower water all along but now that the shower is off, the tears are nonstop. They are hot and filled with painful stories and memories that I want to forget and forgive myself for.