Expect The Unexpected (Alexia Putellas x OC)

Chapter 37

"And you didn't let go of those emotions since then?" Alexia wonders worriedly.

"I just don't want them to know I am still that hurt." I confess.

"But you can't keep it all inside, babe." Alexia sighs. "You should let Rachel know, at least."

"She made her personal mission to protect me. She needs to feel like she managed that." I gulp hardly.

"Even if you're the one protecting her in fact, right?" Alexia understands.

"Yeah..." I look down.

"Talk to me, then." She kisses my forehead. "When it gets too much, talk to me."

"Will do, love." I smile and peck her lips.

She prevents me from separating our lips, and she kisses me more. I don't know how she does that, but I swear I can feel everything she feels in the kiss. From the pain to the support. I know I am safe with her, and this has no match.

"Thank you for being here." I whisper against her lips.

"Anything for you, cariño." She whispers back.

We head inside and I can see Rachel staring at me worriedly. I send her a reassuring smile and she nods. I know we'll have to talk afterwards. We end the evening peacefully and we go to bed.

"Jay, wait." Rachel calls me.

"Go without me, I'll be there soon." I kiss Alexia and walk back to my sister. "Do you want to walk?"

"Sure." She nods and we go outside.

The first minutes are silent. We just walk enjoying the fresh air along the familiar streets.

"I haven't done enough to protect you, haven't I?" Rachel suddenly whispers.

"You did all you could, Rach." I side hug her. "You were hurt too."

"But you were too young to go through it alone." She sobs slightly.

"I wasn't alone. I had Leah, Keira, Lucy, Georgia..." I reassure her. "They helped a lot."

"Do you still hurt?" She looks at me sadly.

"Everyday... I mean, I bet you do too. Even Alexia after more than 10 years, so I guess it'll never stop..." I sigh and sit on a wall. "You know, every day I see him, I hear him, I think of him. And I can't help but feeling guilty..."

"Guilty? But why?" Rachel seems surprised.

"He did a lot to come and see every time." I sigh. "Mom warned him. He did too much. Work, Liverpool games, Leeds games... We used to laugh about it, he told me football wasn't going to kill him. But maybe it did... maybe I did."

"Don't say that." Rachel makes me look at her. "Listen to me! Don't ever think like that again. You didn't kill him! Pops loved us to death, loved you even more if I'm being honest. You two had that unbreakable bond since day 1. I remember his face when you first came home, I've never seen him that happy. After that, every day has been filled with laughter, love, and happy memories. You saved him if anything, so don't even dare thinking you're the reason why he died."

"Why does it hurt so much, then?" I cry heavily in her arms.

"It's alright, baby, I've got you..." Rachel rocks me back and forth softly. "Why didn't you tell me you were still that hurt, Jay?" She sighs after a while.

"You were trying to get through this yourself, Rach, I didn't want to bring more pain into you." I explain quickly. "You deserved to heal too." 

"But I'm your big sister, this is what I am supposed to do. Help you, protect you, make sure you're alright." She looks at me defeated.

"I don't blame you." I whisper. "And I never will. We just have different ways of healing. It's not bad. After you came back from the US, everything has been easier anyway."

"Did you miss me that much?" She jokes around and I playfully hit her arm. "How did you cope up with everything?" She wonders.

"Music, long walk along the Mersey, football." I state. "You couldn't play, I needed to. This is how I became the player I am today."

"I'm so proud of you, Jay." Rachel hugs me tightly. "I hope you know it."

"I've never doubted it." I kiss her temple. "I love you, sister." 

"I love you too."

            We hug for some time before walking more. We talk about life and everything we are still feeling. We come back home two hours later, and I join Alexia in bed. I carefully enter the sheets, and she immediately cuddles my side sleepily.

"Are you alright?" She whispers.

"Yes, love." I kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep. Everything is alright."

"I'm proud of you." She kisses my neck.

            We both drift to sleep quickly. This was an emotional night. I am glad I had the talk with Rachel, at least now she knows.