Chapter 45

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Veronica's POV
"J? Do you still want to marry me?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well...can we get married?"

"Are you just saying shit now?"

I shook my head.

"No. I-I actually mean it."

"Okay. I should still have your ring in my house."

"Y-you still have a ring for me?"

"You thought, I didn't?"

"Kinda?"

"I've been waiting to get you back. Oh I'm sorry for everything."

I put my hand on his leg.

"Don't be. I'm  the one who's sorry. It's my fault. All of it."

"No no. I meant, I'm sorry, you saw me shoot myself. I-I was just hopeless at that point. I-I can't promise, I won't do it again."

River started shivering. He took off his sweater and wrapped it around her. He put the hood on her face.

"Thank you daddy."

"You're welcome sweetie."

He kissed her forehead.

"You're adorable with her."

"I love kids. I can't help it."

River sat up. She looked at me.

"Mommy? When can I go home?"

"Probably soon, I'm sure. Are you okay Jake? It's been a while since, you've had your pain meds."

"Oh. I'm uh not okay. I'm more worried about her."

When we got home, I made Jacob take his pain meds. He took a shower then I gave River a bath. We walked into the kitchen and saw Jacob cooking.

"You're supposed to be in bed."

"True but it's also time for dinner."

We sat down and started eating. Jacob pulled a small box out of his pocket. He opened it and I saw a ring. He slid it across the table. I took it out of the box and put it on.

"Yay! Mommy has a ring now!"

"Hey Jake? I want another baby."

He practically choked on his drink.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I want another baby."

"I want a brother or sister!"

"I uh...I want another one too. I just...wasn't expecting you both to say that."

He cleared his throat.

"I'm done eating. Can I go play now?"

"Sure. Go wash up then you can play. Not for long though."

River picked up her dirty things and put them in the sink. She washed her hands. She then, ran away.

"Don't run by stairs!"

Me and Jacob went back to eating.

"Are we gonna be okay?"

"Hopefully."

"Thank you for the ring. I love it."

"You're welcome."

I put my hand on one of his.

"I'm gonna get it right this time. I-I know, you can't believe me right now."

"Let's just, take it day, by day."

I cleared my throat.

"How have you been, mental health wise?"

He didn't answer me. He kept eating.

"Jacob?"

He shrugged.

"What does that mean?"

He leaned back in the chair.

"I'm...I'm not sure. I love having you both back. I just...have my guard up...I guess. I-I don't know anymore. I spent 6 years alone and in my head. For years...I was replaying everything in my head. I-I was trying to figure where it all went wrong. I was trying to figure out if, it was my fault."

He stood up.

"I'll uh...put everything away."

I stood up.

"Jacob-"

"Please just...don't fight with me."

"I wasn't going to."

"Look. Here's one thing I do know. I'm scared to lose people. I've lost you more than once. I've lost River more than once. I lost my brother. My parents cut me off for no reason. I feel so alone."

"You're not though."

"I still feel like it."

I walked up to him and started hugging him. He pushed me away.

"I-I'm fine. I'm fine. Go upstairs. I'll be there in a few."

"No. I'll help you put everything away. Do you know that, I blame myself for your suicidal thoughts?"

"What? Why?"

"I'm the reason...you had them."

"It's not all you."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"Don't blame yourself. Blaming yourself for something, will only hurt you in the end."

He went back down to putting dinner away. I started helping him. He didn't tell me to stop. We just did everything in silence.

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