Parcel | StellJun

Chapter 47 - Letting Go

DAYS and months have passed and so has the New Year, brightly sprinkling a brand new beginning to the people but not Pavlo's. The 'New Year, new me' phrase is not yet applicable to him. Not when his other shoe remained stuck in the past.

Still, he's grateful for his little progress in his so-called moving on phase. At least he knows that he is striving hard to keep his sanity with him each day. Guess he's doing great as he takes his trail slowly but surely.

He's not minding his turtle progress. He thought that what made his fleet move slowly is because of the obvious burden he had to carry whenever nightfall came. That's when he will freefall back again to his secluded room in the middle of his noisy sea.

It's lonely out there. It's sad and suffocating. It has the same voltage of pang as the first time he locked himself there. Or maybe what makes the place oddly painful is because of the metallic rust of longing creeping like dirt on the wall. It's not giving like a home. It can kill but he needed to find the keys.

The pain of missing someone can be bearable for some. However, when a particular someone lives with it, it's a different story to tell. They can wither in the gloom. Gone the bloom and the light. What would happen to them?

If not for the people who care for Pavlo, maybe just maybe his beast devoured him whole, and from that, he would probably be not seen again. He would choose to be a hermit instead. He's more than thankful for the people who never left him when he was a shipwreck.

After how many months of sulking, he again learned to appreciate and recognize the pain he's been through; he succumbed to the pain, let it sink to the bottom then got up. Nothing new. He just reminded himself not to anchor in the deep of sorrow or he will be doomed forever.

In the dead of the night, he's there, trying his very best to let go. He now has the guts to clean up Vester's traces in his place—his photos, Vester's clothes in his closet, and everything that the younger owned.

He didn't throw them away. He just returned it politely to Tita Melanie before December ended. The desperation to breathe and to move on engulfed him. Even if he's reluctant, he pays a visit to Tita Melanie's doorstep.

It's not easy seeing her again. He almost lost it the moment she kept chanting her sorry to him as if she had done something wrong. It pained him to see Vester's Mom tearing apart in front of him.

It's not her fault, not Vester either. It's some people's perspective who are flawed. He didn't blame anyone but them. He just wanted to live his life but things started falling apart. Maybe this is the price of the spotlight that he has now. If anything, he's not having it.

For the last time, he was expecting to see Vester in his parent's house. He just wanted to say goodbye but for some reason, there were no traces of him there. He just completely vanished into his life.

The moment Tita Melanie said that Vester had left the country a month ago, he dropped his shoulder. He left—away from them and away from him. It still pains him although he's expecting it since the day he cut ties with him.

He keeps on holding on to his rational thinking. If anything, he wanted to turn the world upside-down just to look for him. However, he respected Vester and cared for him so he kissed and kneeled for the quiet space between them for the very last time before he said his final goodbye.

"Thank you for the memories, Tey-Tey..." said Pavlo as he smiled genuinely. He's thankful and he never regretted the love he showered to the younger. "I'm going to miss you but like you, I also needed to let go."

Everything around his house feels brand new. He also avoided yellow colors for a purpose. He decided to focus on his own growth now. He won't deny also that having Ponky and Nala by his side somehow eases the baggage he's been carrying.