Parcel | StellJun

Chapter 49 - Pick a Hard

FROM a deep sleep on a cold February eve, Pavlo woke up with a panting chest. His eyes are sore, face is soaked with sweat too. With a quivering hand, he took his bottled water from his bedside table and drank it with an audible gulp.

Sighing deeply, he runs a finger into his damp hair. He closed his eyes as tight as he could as he sat up and rested his back on the headboard, massaging his nose bridge. Again, he's having a bad dream. Knowing this, he can't sleep after that.

He hates calling it names but what can he do? He's trying his best to move forward. What he couldn't understand was why he was still stuck. Vester's memories won't let him live in peace, that's what he thought. Even in his sleep, they're haunting him.

"Argh! Bw*s*t!!" he hissed as he wandered his eyes in his messy room.

Literally and figuratively speaking, it's a mess. The said memories are like doodles in his head; a mess of threads, a needle of trouble, and who knows if it's a caricature of a curse? The latter would sound absurd but he nearly believes it. Maybe Vester uses some kind of dark magic on him or maybe Pavlo's head is the dark magic himself.

Half of him is still holding on. Half of him is still longing for his Sunshine to come home. Half of him is still there, underneath his lonely purple skies, waiting for the yellow light to dance with his own light. It's a stark contrast to the other part of him. That's why he's having a hard time figuring out the end of the thread.

He ruffled his hair, smacking his own head. "Messy! Messy!"

He wanted to tear up again but seeing the empty bottles of beer scattered on the floor, he heaved. Immediately, he got up and threw it away as fast as he could. He even made sure to clean any traces of him being a little handful last night for having another episode.

If ever Jallen or Keir will find it out, he will be doomed. The two thought he's been doing pretty well lately and so has his family. However, behind closed doors, it's a different story to tell. He's still there in the place of an eclipse.

He wanted the sunlight again, to witness the rainbow after the rain, and to experience the feeling of how the sun sets and rises. He wanted to see himself rising again. Though he is literally rising in his chosen career behind the camera, he bet no one would ever recognize him given his current state.

He needed to undress himself from all the sorrows irked into his bones. He badly wanted to reward himself to be good and to be better. He knows that right now, it is his necessity. He still wanted to live so he needed an escape... an escape away from here.

He doesn't want to hate the place where his love for Vester prospers because Aurum Park is always been a part of them as a couple. He wanted to cherish it but the park gave him so much pain too. He's not liking it, not even a bit.

When he is strolling there, he keeps on seeing Vester and when he approaches him, it turns out to be a different person. Even in his dreams, Vester is there and is waiting in their favorite spot. Aurum Park gave him so much hope that the younger would come back. He waited—for nothing.

His phone chimes, stealing him away from his deep thoughts. It's Jallen on the preview. "Pao, dito na ako sa labas. Musta? Ready na ba ang lahat?"

He sighs as he walked towards the door and when he opened it, he was meet by a smiling Jallen in his thick black coat. "Wews! Buti naman at pinagbuksan mo ako. Ang lamig sa labas."

He chuckles, "Pasok ka. Bakit kasi ang aga-aga mo? Alas kuwatro palang, nandito ka na. Hindi mo naman obligasyong sunduin ako."

"Mas mabuti nang maaga para iwas traffic at duh! Magkaibigan kaya tayo. Huwag ka ngang ano riyan!" The younger scanned the living room. "Iyan na ba lahat? Ang dami ha! Buti na lang kasya iyan sa hiniram kong sasakyan ni Diko."

"Nag-volunteer ka pa tapos mag-r-reklamo ka lang?" Pavlo raised a brow. "Hindi kita pinilit dito, Jallen."

The younger giggles, "Alam mo, dapat sinabi mo sa akin na sobrang dami pala ng gamit mo. Sana Dum Truck na lang ang dinala ko—ouch! Mapanakit!"

"Bilis na nga lang. Tulungan mo na akong ilipat ang mga ito sa sasakyan," Pavlo growls.

Jallen stomped his feet. "Teka lang! Ano, hindi mo ako pag-ka-kapehin? Ang harsh mo!"

The older scratch the back of his head. "Ano kasi—my kitchen is empty na. Sorry. As much as I wanted to... uhm, nakalimutan ko rin kasi kung saang box ko inilagay ang kape at kettle ko. Nakalimutan kong markahan ang mga box."

"Okay lang. Sabihan ko na lang si manok na magdala ng foods at kape. On the way na rin naman iyon," Jallen replied.

Pavlo's brows meet halfway. "Pupunta pa rin siya? Hindi ba may call-time siya mamayang eight?"

"Oo pero hindi siya sasama sa paglilipat. Tutulong lang daw siyang mailipat sa van ang mga gamit mo tapos aalis din siya agad," Jallen said as he started picking up the smallest and the lightest box he found first.

Pavlo could only smile at the retreating back of the younger man. His heart swells at how lucky he is to have Jallen and Keir's unconditional support. He couldn't imagine his life if he would lose any of the two.

One of his greatest fears is losing someone he loves and he already deals with it now. It is hard but he needed to be strong. He realizes that changing most of his house's interior won't help him forget Vester so he has decided. He's leaving his house and is planning to make it a rental house instead.

He can't stay sane inside his comfort zone because no matter how hard he tries, every corner of his house reminds him of Vester so much and he can't write well nor make his day productive.

He usually goes to Keir's house instead because it is peaceful. He can work pretty well but he couldn't stand being bothersome to his friend, not that Keir minded because the younger offered that he could live with him but he has pride too.

His friends are kind enough to lend help after his younger brother Johann found the perfect house and lot for him. It's far away from his place and he thinks it is better. That is his goal—to walk away from the places where it reminds him of his painful memories.

For him, life is too short so he decided to make his time worth it. He wanted to be happy again, like genuinely happy without having to revive himself every night. Though chasing happiness is hard for him loneliness is also that hard. All he has to do is to pick his hard—carefully and surely.

There are lots of people behind him who are willing to help him up so this time, while pursuing his dreams, he is also trying to see the ray of the light again and to find his lost string because truth be told, he has lost himself in the process.

He swears that his previous night's episode is the last one. He will never drown himself again in the toxicity of alcohol. He learned that he can't let go totally if he still keeps on punishing himself. He remembered last January when he surrendered it all. He is hoping that this time, he can now stand by his words.

***

End Notes: six more chapters to go, yey! I wanna cry. This is my first ever StellJun multichap fic and matatapos ko na siya. Kaunting push nalang. TBH, I don't typically write love stories. I usually write heavy angst/drama, major character death, characters with mental health problems/illness, killings and independent character that don't need to have partners in life. I may have written 4 love stories but the first one has a possessive husband, the second one has a judgmental male lead, the third one (gxg) has a bully partner and the fourth one's lover died but that's actually one of the best among the 4. But don't worry about Parcel too much HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA