THE night was cold as the rain kept pouring outside with glitches of lightning and thunderstorms intact. It's not that dreadful though it's enough to chill a nerve in the middle of the night. This is another episode of Pavlo's sleepless nights.
He just stayed there in bed, tossing and turning. He hissed as he sat up. Knowing that he can't sleep, he slips himself out of the bed and walks outside his room. How he wished he could be like Ponky and Nala who can sleep soundly without worrying a thing.
He reaches for his unlit kitchen, opens the fridge, and almost tears up upon seeing a box of strawberries there. Since Vester used to visit him often, he always makes sure he has strawberries inside the fridge and anything strawberry flavor in his cupboard for the younger man. It's his favorite.
He missed Vester so much and his anxiety never helps to ease his storms knowing he has no idea about his lover's whereabouts. "Nasa'n ka na, Tey? Sana ayos ka lang. Huwag mo naman akong pag-aalalahanin ng ganito."
As if on cue, his landline rang. He jolted and swallowed before blinking his tears away. He trails towards the ringing telephone and picks it up unwillingly. "Who the hell calling me in the middle of the night?"
He sighs as he puts the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"
"Pao—"
"Vester? My god, ikaw ba 'yan?" His heart yelps upon hearing that familiar voice from the other line, he doesn't care if it sounds hoarse. All that matters to him is this is Vester... his Vester.
He heard a sniff. "O-Oo, ako nga. Sorry, Ampao."
"Ano, okay ka lang ba? Napa'no ka? Tawag ako nang tawag pero hindi kita makontak. Si Joseph? Kumusta siya? Ayos lang ba kayo?" he asked consecutively.
"Ayos na kami, Pao. Don't worry." Vester's voice are all but strained. "Sorry, ngayon lang ako nakatawag."
"My god, pinag-alala mo ako ng husto. What happened?" he asked.
He doesn't know why but his heart races and if ever, his anxiety grew stems. His suspicion was all answered when he heard a painful howl from the other line. It made his heart tear up too. He had seen Vester cry before but he never heard that kind of wail from his boyfriend.
"Tey-Tey?" he called in a very soft voice. He wished that he could hug him right now and console him since his baby was not okay and his baby was hurting. He may not see him but he knows.
"Pao, bakit ang daya ng pagkakataon?" Vester said through his hiccups.
He refused to breathe. "What do you mean, Tey? Hey, sana may tubig ka riyan sa tabi mo. I love you."
"Pao, hindi ako makakasali sa audition...." Vester cried more. "Pangarap ko ito. Pinaghandaan ko pa nga pero hindi pa rin pala para sa'kin."
"Anong nangyari, babe?" Pavlo leans on the wall for support, chest started to ache more. "It's okay. Just cry until you cry no more tapos saka ka mag-kwento, okay? I'm here. Sasamahan kita."
"Ayoko na, Pao. Uuwi na ako." Vester's voice is for finality which makes the older to startle.
"Babe? You can't just quit your dream—"
"Ang hirap, Pao. Ang hirap maghabol sa isang pangarap na hindi naman para sa'yo pero pinipilit mo kasi nando'n ang puso mo. Hindi pala ibig sabihin na kapag mahal mo ang ginagawa mo, papabor na sa'yo ang pagkakataon."
"Alam mo... alam mo kung gaano ko ito pinaghandaan. Alam mo na binitawan ko lahat para rito. Sinayang ko lahat ng mga magagandang opportunities para lang dito pero kung pagkakataon na ang aayaw, may magagawa ba ang pag-t-tiyaga ko? May magagawa ba ang galing ko?"
This made Pavlo's tears fall unknowingly. "Baby, don't give up, please. Kung gusto mong umuwi, nandito lang ako."
"Pao, I can't walk. I have a fractured bone in my left leg and so has Josh. We've had an accident on the way to our final rehearsal. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for not telling you early. Sobrang nanghinayang kami at nawalan ng gana. We can't even open our phone and we just keep on crying. I'm sorry, napag-alala pa kita ng husto."
"Baby, you don't have to apologize. Ang mahalaga, okay ka..." he inhaled, not trying to ask for more details about the said incident since Vester's cries were too painful to bear.
"Pao..." the younger hiccups.
"Gusto mo na bang umuwi? Susunduin ba kita or you want your family to come and get you?" he asked gently.
"I want to see you. I miss you so much." The longing and pain are very evident in the younger's tone. "Uuwi ako sa'min. Sama ka, please. Ihatid mo ako."
He smiled tightly, "Okay, baby. Anything else? I can be your left leg, just so you know."
He heard Vester sigh on the other line after a gulp of which he assumed was water. "Nah, I just want to see you."
"I can kiss your pain away, Tey." He tried. He tried to lighten up the mood.
"Am I not good enough?" Vester suddenly asked after a moment of silence.
Pavlo squeezed his eyes since his ploy failed. "You're more than enough, gorgeous."
"Then why is life like this?" Vester whines in all his frustrations.
He gulps, not really knowing how to respond properly. "T-That's life, baby. No matter what and where it brought us, we have to live with it."
"Ang unfair, Pavlo! Sobrang unfair! Nakakapagod mabuhay kung ganito lang din naman ang pagdadaanan natin. Bakit pa tayo nabuhay?" Vester cried again as if his eyes aren't tired of it.
"Tey-Tey, listen—"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Hindi ko dapat iyon sinabi. Hindi dapat kita sinigawan pero... I hate my fate, Pao. I freaking hate it! Ginawa ko naman ang lahat. Bakit, may kulang pa ba? Halos mamatay na ako kaka-practice tapos in the end, hindi rin pala ako makakasali? Ayoko na! Nakakapagod na!"
Before he could open his mouth, the call just ended or maybe Vester purposely ended it. He was panicking as he tried to call back but to his disappointment, no one picked it up. He cried out of frustration as he slumped himself onto the floor. The rain and thunderstorms covered his grunts and growls.
Vester never leaves their call hanging and he will never end without saying how much he loved him but not tonight. His heart is in pain, maybe it is reflected in his lover's aching soul. He might not know how much struggles the younger is up to, he might not measure how deep that wound is but he's with him and he feels him.
He knew where Vester was coming from. He knew the frustrations of chasing your dreams but you always fail since he's been there. It shakes his entire being, rattling his self-esteem, and weakens his persistence and faith in himself.
For Pavlo, it's not easy to walk and fight with uncertainty but since he loved what he's been doing, he still did it nonetheless; he surely understood his lover's side. How he wished Vester not to give up.
"You might have hung up on me but I will always be here," he whispered into the cold crisp air.
***
End Notes: My apologies, Warriors. I love you all (:
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Parcel | StellJun
FanfictionFor Pavlo Oliver (Paulo Nase), it takes courage to count the waves of love. It takes a piece of his heart to go beyond the reef and is afraid to commit since the water is too shallow to begin with. Even if knowing there's someone who took a risk to...
