𝟓𝟕 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

𝟮𝟴; "𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗴𝗼"

𝟒𝟓

"scared of losing you" the words came more like a life-changing statement for Felix than a confession from Hyunjin, it was ground shaking and sky bursting but why did these words matter so much to Felix, it was evident to even those with no logical thinking that Hyunjin cared a lot for Felix — and for the record, even Felix himself was aware of the fact so to be so bewildered by this admission was apropos of nothing

his eyes were visibly enlarged and mouth was fell slightly agape "huh?" came his wavering quest of perplexity, Hyunjin sighed at Felix's response and glanced down at the gap between them. he didn't will to answer too ashamed and embarrassed by his sudden disclosure of emotions, and on the other hand, was the boy who just couldn't wrap his head around Hyunjin's statement "scared of losing...me?" he repeated the words back to Hyunjin who closed his eyes and sighed out loud

"yes" was his reply to the murder of his ego "w-why" Felix muttered lowly glancing at his hands that were set in his lap 'he wasn't disgusted by me...he was scared of losing me—me? the me that I am. why would someone be scared of losing me?' his thoughts chanted as he waited for Hyunjin's response, but all that rang in his ears was a scoff followed by a chuckle, that sounded very much uncomical

and it forced him to look up into the eyes of the boy who always made butterflies swarm in the deepest pits of his stomach "why?" it seemed they have adapted this pattern of repeating each other's sentences and words back to the latter "sometimes your habit of self-loathing baffles me, even though I don't understand why you hate yourself I try not to judge you for it-- I for one don't like myself but to go to such an extent that you'd question me for caring for you is just-" he didn't finish his words ending them with another sigh

and it was ironic, truly. because the boy who was giving this prep talk was a living example of insecure and would be the first to question anyone's intent who even dared to think good about and for him

"that's rude, I didn't mean to be" the words followed much like an ointment on an open wound "no it wasn't" Felix replied, keeping his custom of never letting anyone think they're wrong "I just...I'm at this very desperate stake of trying to become a mirror for you, I just miserably need you to see yourself the way I do" Hyunjin whispered weakly scooting closer to the boy who he had just given a reality check to

his eyes were soft and so were Felix's, while his squinted ones held a gentle haze of comfort Felix's held a soft mist of comforted

'see myself as he does? how does he see me?' "and to answer your question—Because I like having you around" his hand reached to hold Felix's, he pushed his hand inside Felix's ones that were tied together in his lap. and Felix allowed him, letting him slip his hand inside his own smaller ones and held Hyunjin's larger one, and the part that didn't fail to flutter Hyunjin's heart even in a situation as serious as this was the fact that even with both his hands held around the raven head, Hyunjin's hand was still the larger one

Hyunjin wanted to add a few more threads of nice comments to that because that simply on its own was not a good enough answer but this was far way more difficult than he had imagined It to be, and it took him back to square one, back to the time when he never spoke to anybody and made him realize why it was so hard in the first place

"Because I care for you, I don't want to think about a time when I'd have to part ways with you-" he wasn't done yet but the lump in his throat made it difficult for him to even be able to breathe, which caught Felix's attention making him lick his lips and caress the cold hand he held, eyebrows beginning to knit together in worry

"I've never said this to anyone but I suppose I've realized what it means to be scared of losing somebody. your confession just shook my entire world and it took me back to a time when I felt things, I've lost someone who I used to cherish a lot lix, my father. and- after that, I just became this big block of flesh and bones, I just existed" a soft sob escaped his chapped lips crashing all of Felix's galaxies upon him 'his father?' before confusion could rise empathy and care did