𝟓𝟕 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

𝟱𝟱; 𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

A maze in hell—that was the best way Felix could describe the wreaking turmoil he had brought himself into. tears were streaming down his face as he sat in the middle of the lounge, on his knees just begging the heavens to ease his aches, his heart felt like there was an avalanche of lava and it was beneath it, he felt like he was drowning but all he could feel was blazing coal grazing the soft of his skin and burning through it. the entire room spun and spun until Felix had no perception of dimension and gravity and until he was nearly about to throw up

his head was piercing like someone had been pricking needles through his skull for hours and hours, there was no oxygen in his lungs just pure acid and he wanted nothing but to flee from his own body, run away from this mess, and hide somewhere safe, preferably Hyunjin's arms. but that was the one thing he couldn't do, he's lost Hyunjin. he's pushed him away into an abyss which Felix was at the bottom of. he's always had a way with words so why couldn't he just explain it now? the fear he felt about hurting Hyunjin, that he too was madly in love with him but just couldn't say it

because if he did, it would cement their shared affection and there will be no turning back, Hyunjin will be bound to his miseries and despair, Hyunjin would have to carry the weight of the agony the universe had put him through and he didn't want that. Hyunjin has done enough for him and he can't let the boy waste more of his life on something that was bound to be terminated, he was certain he wasn't going to live and if he told Hyunjin he loved him too then the raven head would never love again, he was aware of the madness of Hyunjin's love, the amount and extent of it and he knew if he allowed the other to fall deeper in love with him then he'll never be normal again

when Felix dies he'll never recover, he'll never heal, he'll never move on and Felix couldn't do that to him. if he was going to die he was going to do it alone and not bring someone else and their happiness down with him too. at a loss of breath and life, the brunette inhaled a deep breath, yet before the air could pass through his lungs the dread of Hyunjin getting hurt did. flashes of numerous nightmares he's had of Hyunjin getting hurt flooded through his head as his eyes widened and his heart stopped beating, Hyunjin was out there in the rain all alone, swimming through the waters of grief and he could get seriously hurt, Felix doesn't know how but he could get hurt and he would rather burn alive than allow that to happen

so before he knew it he was putting aside all of his own agonies and running out of that door in the search of Hyunjin.

_____

Felix ran and ran, as fast as he could, as much as he could. his feet were growing numb and his entire body was soaked and shivering by the brazen rain, there wasn't much he was feeling everything was oddly still like time had stopped moving and the world grew frozen. his own heart wasn't beating either and he didn't feel like he was breathing, all he knows was that he was running to Hyunjin, striving to reach him before danger does. the sounds of his heavy feet thwacking the ground and splashing puddles of water that gathered around pavements echoed alongside the pattering of the rain

tears streamed down his face but they went unnoticed due to the merciless rain that fell from the sky above. he had no idea where he was running to or where he currently was, no indication of his own safety or conscience just the pure fact of keeping Hyunjin safe albeit the fact that he didn't even know who was he protecting the other from when the thing Hyunjin should be most protected from is himself

It was then he stopped running when his feet stumbled and his legs gave up, having no more energy to keep up with his perturbing thoughts that distorted the walls of his mind and left him uncontrollably sobbing, he couldn't get up, he couldn't move. he just sat there on the cold and jagged pavement with both his palms on the ground and sobbed until his entire body shook from the pressure, and there it was answered; the phenomenal question— the worry, and the panic that webbed his mind wasn't unnecessary, he was just hiding the true reason he felt so shattered