𝟓𝟕 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

𝟯𝟳; 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗲

𝟑𝟕

Once the realization finally sank in Hyunjin was already far too deep in shame to return back to Felix and apologize. He sat on a sidetrack of some street he's walked upon, dazed with his head held between his hands as he tried to comprehend the ache he'd shred over not only on Felix but himself too, a sin that no repentance can reverse, a mistake that can't be fixed

If he had enough courage in him, he'd go back home to Felix and beg on his knees for forgiveness, explain how the demon that took over him wasn't him but some sorcery done by his father's words, do anything in his power to make Felix understand how apologetic he felt. He knew Felix genuinely cared for him, he knew all the words his father had spoken against him and all the words his brain conspired against the brunette boy were nothing but a mist of treachery

He'd do anything Felix would ask him to if only he'd let go of his horrendous mistake. He was terrified to the core that Felix would leave him, he wouldn't want to see his face again now that he's shown his real side. The menacing, monstrous side. His heart had already escaped his chest out of terror and now all he was left with was the agony that seeped out from it and a train of wrecking thoughts 

and before he knew it, an agonizing scream escaped his lips as he tugged harshly at the locks that resembled the midnight sky above him. if he were the same Hyunjin he was before he'd cry right now, as he normally did after he'd received a beating from his father, but then again years have passed since then and now he was stiff and cold like ice. there were walls that Felix had tackled and managed to get inside and then there were ones that were not only around Hyunjin but inside him, ones he wasn't aware of either

He groaned and looked out from his hands to gaze at the empty street, how could he have been so cruel? his thoughts banged against his sanity making him sigh deeply and look up from the street to the beautiful sky, though bereft of shining stars it was still embellished with foggy clouds that made it no less pretty than it would've been with those glimmering specks 

why did he say those words? why couldn't he have kept the poison in him to himself and just died instead—why didn't I just die?  why did I even open my mouth, why did I hurt Felix when he deserved none of my spilling bitterness? when all he deserves is the moon and flowers, kisses and love? why did I gift him my darkness when he should be embraced with brightness?  why? why am I like this?

And the last wall that stood tall was now nothing but shatters around Hyunjin as the thought of Felix being hurt because of the words he'd spilled made a teardrop fall out of his eyes and slide over his cheek, oh the heavens, they surely know what they're doing. So many came and went yet Hyunjin never allowed any single person he ever got to know to spend so long with him, he never trusted them to do so, so before they could hurt him he pushed them away, soon enough he stopped all together until he ultimately gave up on humans

But then this little boy came and gave him a breath of fresh air, he came like rain in drought, like a giggle of happiness after tears of centuries, he helped Hyunjin live. And Hyunjin allowed him to, what were the odds that out of all those people Hyunjin pushed away, Felix was the one to knock each and every boundary he'd ever create around him, sprint inside his frozen walls, and hold him in a warm embrace. What were the odds that Felix was the one?

And the idea of having hurt his one made him nearly sob so he immediately took in a deep breath, wiping the tears that have fell across his face, licking his lips, and sniffling before he got up from the sidewalk and began to walk. he didn't want to cry, he'd already broken down once at the hospital and that was enough of a quotation for at the very least 10 years in his eyes

frustrated, he didn't know where to go nothing made sense and nothing felt good enough to distract him, so he wandered the empty street with a heavy heart. Back before Felix came he'd skate to divert his attention but even now skating sounds useless and boring, nothing could ever take his mind off of what he's done to Felix