Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 1 - Einar

It was stolen from me

He stole it from me.

He stole it from me without care,

Without compunction,

Without wondering if it mattered.

Without knowing, someday,

I want to give it freely.

He despoiled me,

He took from me my soul.

And I want it,

I look for it.

It's not something

to be found again.

It meant everything to me,

To have given it freely

Without sorrow,

Alas, it was stolen.

I was far too young,

To understand that someday,

I would want to have it,

To give it with love.

So, now I am broken,

I am despair,

What he took without hesitation,

Was never his to take.

I am weak,

But I'm supposed to be strong.

I am a victim,

But I'm supposed to be a survivor.

So I lie, I pretend, I act,

Like it never happened.

How far will I go?

Who will I become?

I am shame,

I am sorrow,

I am alone,

I am nothing.

Alone I cry, pray, wish,

Am I still a boy,

Will I ever become,

A man.

Dropping my pencil on my desk, I couldn't decide if it's good or not. Whispers of doubt crept into my mind. Yanking the page from my notebook, I slid it into my English textbook. Mom once told me, "if you don't want anyone to read it, don't write it." Yeah, I ignored that again. Since I wouldn't use it, I would have to create another for my English assignment.

I climbed into bed, contemplating turning fifteen soon. Memories washed over me as waves in the ocean pulling me under, threatening to drown me. I know I should be happy, but it just meant I survived another year. I thought he would have murdered me by now. Or maybe I just hoped, seeing that I'm too cowardly to do it myself.