Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 25 - Einar

Alone in my room, I couldn't stop thinking about being diagnosed as bipolar. I always figured I had PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I also knew I have ADHD since I've been taking that medication since elementary school.

But all I know about bipolar disorder is from police shows on television. There's always someone who stops taking their medication and starts killing people. I'm not crazy like that. Or am I?

I don't know about others, but I will never hurt people. I will never be like my dad. He's the monster in this family, not me.

If I am bipolar, did he make me this way? Or am I sick? Was I always this way and would that mean dad was right to beat me to be normal like everyone else?

I buried my head under my pillow and cried. After talking to Eirik, I pretended to be tired and pulled my blanket up over my head. My breath hit the quilt and bounced back into my face.

It was heating up so much under the blanket, I felt I was being suffocated. So I pulled the blanket down and just closed my eyes. The alarm finally went off in the morning, and I climbed out of bed feeling exhausted.

Mom finally went back to work today. It was great coming home from school and not having her there to ask how my day was. Or if I was in pain. Mom surprised me when she got home with my glasses. They came early.

She made me wear them right away. I could read things the same as ever, but my mind felt more clear. I have 20/10 vision either way. Eirik ran and grabbed his glasses and put them on. He told me he was waiting for me to get mine before he wore his around.

"Remember, you're supposed to wear them all day. They may annoy you at first, but they will help. You will just need to get used to it," mom said.

"Ok," I said.

I went up to my room with Eirik and did homework. My head didn't hurt at all reading. Once I was done with homework, I picked up The House of Hades from the Heros of Olympus series by Rick Riordan from my bookshelf. Maybe I could finally catch up on them.

As I read, my mind wandered to how much better it felt to have the glasses on. I wasn't getting a headache, and that was great. But wearing them when I have 20/10 vision already seems strange.

When I went in the bathroom to take a shower, I stared at myself in the mirror. The glasses were cool, but all I thought about was that it would be a permanent reminder that dad broke me. I gently took off the head cap with the electrodes and set it on the bathroom table.

Even with the heart monitor still on under my shirt, I felt normal again. All except the glasses. Well, they are much sportier than dad's glasses ever were and maybe I can pretend they are just sunglasses.

I removed the heart monitor as well and took a shower. Since I still had the pad on my chest, I wasn't allowed to soak in the tub. After, I had to pat it dry and reattach both devices.

Mom called us down for Eirik's practice. I wish she would just leave me home alone, but she refused. Instead, I brought my book and tested how well my glasses would work in the car. The doctor told me they should fix my horrible motion sickness in moving vehicles.

I typically only get sick if we're in the car for over a half hour, but reading will almost instantly make me sick. This time, it didn't. I read for the entire car ride there and it felt like a miracle. There was no dizziness at all.

Inside, several people commented on how cool my glasses were. Eirik wanted to wear his inside, but didn't want them to break in the locker room.

I heard a voice behind me. "Cool glasses Einar."