Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 31 - Eirik

It was such a relief not to read my poem. I'll admit I got a lot of help from poems online. Not that I stole anyone's work, I just took things I liked and altered them to make them mine. It was hard since I wanted to do something special.

I think if I read it, there was the possibility it could out me. But since I'm not reading it, maybe they could think Noah wrote it. His name is in there, after all. Nevermind, it couldn't be his since he's not in our class.

What does it matter? I'm not ashamed of being gay. Dad might hate me for it, but no one else will. At least, no one else that matters or means anything to me.

Near the end of class on the second day, my poem was finally being read by a girl named Beth.

Never did I dream this could be,

Only your touch setting me free.

As our lips connected, my heart took flight.

Happier than I ever thought possible.

Moments in life,

As we hold tight,

To this secret we share,

The two of us are destiny.

Hidden from the world, and friends,

Each day bringing us closer.

Wishing for unrestrained love,

Silently, yet forever, my heart and lips are yours.

It could have been better, but every line had to begin with a specific letter. They all combined to spell out Noah's name. Some girls said 'aww' in high-pitched voices. But some guys looked grossed out. Well, screw them. They may know a boy wrote it, but they won't know it's mine.

Einar and I were called to read poems on Friday. It surprised me how well Einar was able to read the poem in front of the class. It's normal for him to read something so fast, you can't understand him. I'm assuming it's because he didn't write the poem.

After school, mom took us to therapy for our second sessions. Sarah seemed genuinely happy for me that I was with Noah now and that Einar was alright with it.

"Are you two going to be open with your friends and extended families?" she asked.

"Einar wants to stay in the closet himself. I agreed that until he was ready, I would stay quiet, too. Noah also wants to keep it quiet for some time. Although, our families know and that will have to be enough."

She wrote on her pad. "Do you want to be open?"

"Well, yes. In a perfect world, dad would accept me and Noah, but I know he won't. If we are ever open, I think I will lose him forever," I said.

"That's his loss," she said.

For the rest of the session, we talked about Coach Francis being arrested and how I felt about it.

"Did you doubt him?" She asked when I told her Einar's memories were correct.

"No, it's not that. It's just, how could I not know? How could I fail him like that? Why did neither my dad or the coach hurt me? Einar suffered so much."

"Those are some hard questions, and you may never know. But, as I've said before, none of it is Einar or your fault. Others more responsible than you failed him. Instead of asking those questions, search for how you can help Einar and yourself into the future," she said.