Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 23 - Einar

I finished telling Martin everything about dad and my life. While I repeated everything I told the police and doctors, there was so much more detail. There was a lot about my depression, anxiety, paranoia, and everything else. He made me talk about all the dreams I remembered and if I could sense ahead of time when a night terror was coming.

I never did, but from now on, I will have to pay more attention to see if I can sense them. We finished by discussing every person I know and what our relationships are. If I had to guess, it was well over an hour just talking.

Moving to the paperwork, I filled out the depression screening, an anxiety test, and the PTSD questionnaire. Finishing that last, I finally flipped through to see just how many tests there were. I found more for bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, sleep questionnaires, and personality tests.

Circling most of the answers as happening every day, I became self-conscious and felt compelled to change some. I don't want them deciding I am utterly broken and lock me away in an institution. After changing a few, I changed them back again, fearing lying and then not getting better.

The personality test was the longest. Some questions seemed bizarre. One asked if my hands felt warm. What does that have to do with anything? And how do I quantify whether my hands feel warm?

The last test before leaving was an IQ test on a tablet. I had one hour to finish. Every question asked me to look at different images and determine what image should come next. Some were numbers, some were letters, some were diagrams, and some were shapes.

Once done, he took me back to the couches in the waiting room. Eirik finished before me, and I sat next to him. Dr. Irlova came out and told us we were all done for the day and set an appointment for us next Monday to go over the results. Once in the car, I saw it was after 2:30 pm.

Mom took us to lunch, then told me my eye appointment was today as well. How could she forget to tell us these things? Once there, she filled out the paperwork for me. A nurse came out and took me back for some more tests.

The first machine had a large lense with a pad to put your eye directly against it. A bright beam of light flashed and blinded me in first one eye, then the second. I blinked my eyes for several minutes before walking down the hall to another machine.

This time, she taped a cover over one eye and I placed my head against another pad and looked into the machine. At first, all I saw was what looked like a white light with a white background. She handed me a clicker and told me to press the button whenever I saw a black dot.

The dots were tiny and quick, but I feel I got most. You can tell by the timing when you miss something. The ones I suspect I miss, based only on where I knew I could see other dots, were on the inside peripheral vision.

After that, I was brought to see the doctor. She did more tests. One I wore glasses and had to tilt certain things until certain reflections lined up either above, below, or to the sides of the other dots. Then she added different lenses onto the front of the glasses and asked me if they improved things.

With them on, she took me out into the hallway and made me walk up and down the hall several times. Immediately, I noticed I wasn't drifting into walls. Light and sound were also not hurting as much.

Back out with my mom, we waited for the results. It took time, but a lady came out showed me all the glasses that I could pick from. She told me I had binocular vision dysfunction and my eyes were slightly out of alignment. I also had an astigmatism in my right eye.

Looking at all the glasses, I didn't find any I liked. Mom told me we could take my prescription to a store with more options. After paying my bill, mom told me outside it would be a lot cheaper for us to buy glasses somewhere else, anyway.

The eye doctor wanted over fourteen hundred for glasses and the tests. Instead, she paid the six hundred for just the tests and we drove to a glasses store. Mom let me pick whatever I wanted and I was super excited when she agreed to buy me Oakley's. Eirik begged, and he got his own pair as well.

The guy at the register entered my prescription into his computer. Since I needed prism lenses, it would take over a week to get them. The final price for my glasses was just over $400. Eirik chose the same pair, but his cost $199 and he took his pair right then.

The rest of the night, Eirik wore his new glasses. I was jealous that I didn't have mine yet, but laughed at him wearing dark glasses inside the house. He looked so proud of himself, like he thought himself cool. Though, I guess he was.

The next morning, the guys wanted to know about the test we did and what it was like. "What's next?" Charlie asked.

"Well, hopefully I will get this thing off my head and chest soon. I've only had one episode and they want me to have several before I see the neurologist. I also need to see a chiropractor and massage therapist, but not until I heal."

"Well, I'm sure a massage will be nice," Charlie said. His smile was so beautiful. His green eyes looked like glistening marbles in his head. Long brown hair came below his ears and highlighted several freckles on his cheeks.

"I doubt it. I don't like being touched," I said as my eyes drifted over his face. His smile grew even more entrancing.

His eyes fell to my throat. "How long since you took off the neck collar?"

"A couple days," I said.

The others were talking to each other while his eyes trapped me. He kept smiling like I was the only one at the table that mattered. My eyes fell to his lips, and I desired to kiss them.

My mind broke free as I remembered my plan to be with Noah. I made so many plans in my mind of being with Noah. Wanting to kiss Charlie is wrong.

The bell rang. Charlie came behind me and leaned close. "I bet you would enjoy a massage from me."

I blushed and smiled back at him. All-day, I couldn't stop thinking about him massaging me. I asked myself if he was just playing around or if he was serious. Maybe it was a plot to out me and then they would kill me.

All lunch, Charlie was still looking and smiling at me whenever I looked at him. Was he just looking at me first, or was he staring at me for the full half hour? What would others say or think if he wasn't looking away?

After school, Eirik's had a game at 7:30 pm. At six, mom made us dinner. Even though we finally finished all our required hours for driver's education, mom let me drive this time. Eirik would drive home.