Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 18 - Einar

That night, I had what might be my worst night-terror yet. No one was near me in the dream, but I couldn't escape the sense someone was watching. I took the nightmare medication, but I feel like whatever was in that injection, it stole my little ability to escape. I couldn't even scream.

It felt like forever before I rocketed up in bed. Mom jumped beside me. Sweat was pouring from my face and chest as she calmed me down and reminded me I was safe.

I put a movie on with my headphones in while she went back to sleep next to me. I fell asleep to my favorite animated Christmas movie. Well, it has Santa in it, but maybe it isn't really a Christmas movie. There are many other holiday figures in the movie as well.

In the morning, I woke with the movie playing again. I wondered how many times it has repeated itself. At some point, my headphones fell out so I couldn't hear it.

Looking over, I didn't see mom and panicked. The sound of the toilet flushing calmed me down as I decided she was in there. I was right. She told me I didn't have a scan today, and I was relieved.

It was around noon when the doctor arrived. "Good afternoon Einar."

"Hello Doctor," I responded.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Much better. I'm not getting dizzy anymore."

"Good. We will run another scan tomorrow and if it all looks good, we will release you around noon," he said.

"Awesome!" I exclaimed.

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm sure you are tired of being stuck here. Your scans so far show your brain is headed in the right direction. It could take a month or more before it heals completely. I don't want you playing any violent sports for at least two months. But I'll let you see your family doctor and let him make the final determination on that."

He looked at mom. "Before he can leave, we will want him to have an appointment already set up. So you'll probably want to call today to ensure he can leave tomorrow. We also want him to see a neurologist as well, but they might take longer to see. His family doctor can order some of the testing ahead of time and make some diagnoses on their own. But he should still see a neurologist for all the head trauma and potential therapy for a brain injury of this severity."

He looked back at me. "While I think the tremors are from stress, a neurologist can do further testing to make sure." He addressed mom again. "Is there any family history of tremors?"

Mom nodded. "I have essential tremors."

He seemed to think about it. "Well, the neuro can test him, but I still think it's stress and anxiety. We found something interesting in the EMG of his hands." He looked back at me, "you don't have carpal tunnel, but there were some abnormalities in the muscles in your thumb pad. That's the big spot right below where your thumb connects to your hand. Have you injured your hands before?"

I looked down and away, ashamed. "No, I never injured them."

"Einar Adalward," mom said with her voice rising gently at the end. "Tell us."

I looked at grandma before turning away. I didn't want her to know I hurt myself. "When I become stressed, sad, depressed, or have other feelings," I wasn't about to say suicidal. "Instead of doing something stupid like cutting myself, I dig into that spot."

"How often would you say you do this, and what do you use to dig in your hand with?" he asked.

"Well, I'm always sad, or depressed. So, every single day." Mom turned away from me. I couldn't tell if she was mad at me. "I switch between using the thumb of my opposite hand, or the top end of a pencil or pen."