Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 6 - Eirik

I'm the first to admit I'm a terrible brother. Even if by minutes, I'm still the older brother. I'm supposed to protect him. There was a time when we were best friends, but dad drove a wedge between us.

The fact of the matter is, I am gay as well. Dad caught us trying on mom's makeup and underwear when we were far younger. Before either of us could speak, he attacked Einar. I was too cowardly to say it was my idea. All these years later, I'm still afraid. What if he attacks me twice as much to make up for it?

From that day on, he made us have different rooms. I resented Mom for letting him dictate that we have separate bedrooms. I didn't fight it and betrayed my twin to protect myself.

Over the years, many times I've heard Einar or dad telling mom he fell. I know the truth, but even when Einar complains about pain, I still call him a hypochondriac. I love him, but I keep doing it. Why am I such a terrible person?

My best memories with Einar were playing hockey together. The best year was when Coach Francis was our coach and he played as the centerman with me as his right winger. With dad as our coach, I've felt he wanted us on different lines so we couldn't be friends.

The problem is we are the best players on the ice. Not putting us on the ice together is stupid. So he made him a defenseman. When he quit, I felt heartbroken and betrayed.

With him off the team, my overall stats went down. Dad acts like I'm better now that I score more goals, but I have far fewer assists and a worse plus/minus. When Einar was playing defense, it was rare for our line to be scored on.

I love playing with my friend Joey in net, but he isn't that great of a goalie. Einar was never afraid to block shots for him. Maybe after having to block dad's shots, none of the opponents' shots would hurt as much.

While I scored twice, my line also gave back two goals because our defense sucked last night. Einar would have stopped them. Mom was great, but she just didn't understand how dad will punish us next practice.

Thankfully, we didn't have a practice until after my birthday. The day itself was rather boring. I love my grandparents, but they are boring. They sit around their houses all day watching the news. At least when we visit.

Mom wouldn't let me invite my friends over, but was letting me hang out with them all day Saturday and spend the night at Joey's house. Simon, Joey, and Charlie's parents dropped them off downtown at the public library.

Not that we stayed there, of course. We walked around and visited different stores to buy some games, music, and Charlie even made us stop in a bookstore. For lunch, we ate some Thai food. Dad loved Chinese food and never brought home any other Asian food.

Back at Joey's house, all four of us played video games. It was the first time all four of us slept over at one of our houses. It was so much fun. When I got home, something felt wrong.

Einar was normally playing video games all day in his room. Mom told me he was sleeping all day. While she said he was probably just tired, and it wasn't unheard of, it seemed strange. I never even hear him get up to use the bathroom.

At dinner, he seemed off. I would have thought if he slept all day, he wouldn't be this tired. He was also a fast eater. But his movements seemed abnormally slow for him. When he finished, he went back to bed. He was mom's favorite, so I would think she would notice too.

In the morning, he was zoned out again at the table. His face was devoid of all emotion. The tips of his thumbs and index fingers were slowly rubbing around each other. I waved in front of his eyes, but there was no reaction. It seemed to me his brain was in sleep mode. But his fingers were moving, so he must be alright.

Minutes later, his eyes seemed to come to life again. It looked like he rebooted. I watched him walk to the bus stop, and he was walking slower than usual, but seemed fine. Maybe he was just especially tired.

On the ride, I forgot about him and my worries. Then, when everyone was getting off the bus, there was a shout and then a loud commotion as people freaked out. The bus driver told us to open the back door of the bus and leave that way.

It was a big drop, and it made me nervous, but I got off fine. A teacher was there to help students jump down. Moving around the bus, there was a large group of people surrounding the bus door. Then I heard people saying Einar fell off the bus.

I pushed through and got down next to him, grabbing his hand. Someone told me he fell face first, but someone turned him over before I arrived. Einar opened his eyes a few times, so I knew he was conscious. Paramedics arrived and pushed me away.

Then a police officer appeared and wanted to talk to me. "Hello, are you Einar's brother?"

"Yes, is he ok?"

"He is being looked after. But they are going to take him to the hospital just to be safe. Can you give me your parents' phone numbers so I can call them?"

I gave him my mom's phone number, and he thanked me. He moved away and took out his phone. A paramedic invited me to come with them and my dad would be waiting at the hospital.

Once there, they pushed Einar in and someone pointed me to the waiting room. Dad was there already and wanted to know what happened. Halfway through my explanation, I had to restart for mom. It was some time before anyone came out for us.