Memories, Scars and Survival: High School Years

Chapter 47 - Einar

I followed Charlie out to his mom's car, feeling guilty for not dancing with just him. I worried I disappointed him since we didn't dance alone. What if I'm not enough for him? He deserves someone who isn't afraid to dance alone with him. If only we could dance alone under the moonlight.

In the car, his mom asked us about the dance and if we had a good time. Charlie agreed we did, but he was probably only saying it to not hurt my feelings? I didn't know if either of them could read my thoughts, but his mom told us she had a surprise for us at their house.

I was excited, wondering what it would be. Once there, she guided us into the backyard. I didn't realize last time, but they have over an acre of land back here.

In the middle, there was a stone firepit in the center of a stone table with chairs around it. All of it is on a concrete slab with a large wooden pergola above. It was high enough so the fire wouldn't burn it, but the smoke rose between the slats.

It looked like someone shoveled the snow around the concrete slab. There was a fire going, and the sky was clear, showing all the stars above. To the side of the pergola was an open area with two large covered outdoor couches.

Either they pushed the couches to the edge of the slab for us, or they leave them there. On a separate table was a radio playing some soft music. Standing there looking around, I felt the chill of the night until the fire's warmth reached me.

"I know it can be hard being as open as you want, especially in High School. So, I thought you might like a chance to dance alone under the moonlight," his mom told us, but she was looking at me.

Her thoughtfulness left me speechless. It's beautiful out here and I felt so cared about by others. She didn't stay long, but left us alone. I looked back after a minute to see her stepping through their back door into the house.

Turning back around, I looked at everything and felt Charlie's presence near me. I watched him approach in my periphery. "Would you like to dance?"

I turned to him as his hand reached out to mine. "I'd love too," I said.

I've never danced before, but I held onto him and we swayed back and forth. He wrapped his hands around my back, and I did the same. We held each other close, and I switched between looking at the stars and in his eyes.

Although I felt comfortable, I still couldn't look into his eyes for too long. When I would become to nervous or scared, I would look back up and try to spot different constellations. I should be cold, but our shared body warmth sustained us. Or it was the fire.

But standing so close and swaying back and forth, the world felt safe and beautiful. I felt if I could live the rest of my life in this moment, life would be good. Time itself ceased to exist as the sounds of the crackling fire and soft music reached me, again and again.

Wind was still blowing and rustling the trees surrounding his yard, giving us complete privacy. High in the sky, I watched a speck of light traveling from one side to another. I've never been good at remembering the directions, but I knew it was a satellite and not a shooting star.

Though it was too cold tonight, I decided we must camp outside overnight together someday. I don't know how long we stayed out there, just swaying while not speaking. At some point, we moved closer with our cheeks pressing together.

I felt the warmth of his body and his heart beating against my chest. I felt alive and real. All my life led to this moment. If it took me suffering all I suffered to get here, I would do it again.

Even though the moment was perfect, it had to end. The fire and our shared body heat soon wasn't enough to keep us warm. We agreed to go in, but before that, I had to kiss him under the moonlit sky full of bright stars.