Villainess Rules of Survival

Pain & Pain

Anaisarwen Isla

'Everyday he misses you, whisper your name and staring at your place. I admit I've got no place in his heart and it will always be you. I hope, you've come to wedding and stop it. Claim Brother Thelo, because as much as I want to shout that I want him, that I.. love him. I'm not the one he needed. I'm not the one he's desiring for. Comeback, please, for your happiness and love.'

'Brother Thelo, for the first time I've heard in my face some hurtful words you could ever say to me. The first time you've raise your voice and was mad, and, and was filled up with everything. You're hurting, yes! And I think, hurting me was the best remedy for that pain.'

I... did not like this.

How come you're like this, Mom?

'The wedding happened. They said, it was the most eventdul event for any woman, their wedding. For me? It's my dream wedding with you, but also a disaster. You and I are like water and oil, we will never be together as one.

'Alliania, why didn't you stop this? I'm willing to bet my all just to give you and Brother Thelo the best. Because, I may be the material Empress, but I will never be the wife he's longing for.'

'Brother Thelo was trying his best. And as always, as his greatest fan and as him, my greatest love I always cheer him on.'

'I guess trying their best was not just it. Alliania, I envy you. You've got heart and love of the man I'm willing to sacrifice myself for. He whispers in night your name, he always subconsciously think and talk about you. He's everything but nothing without you. He deeply love you, and I know, you love him too. Remember? I was the witness of it, that's why it hurts me so much..'

Wow, wala akong masabi kung hindi mamangha sa pagmamahal niya sa Alliania. That's my mother already, Amelia Isla, the picture perfect stunner of the Noble Society.

'This night was the lightest feeling I've got. When I tell the news, about me, bearing our child, our little bean baby. He was happy-that's why we got into a deep conversation about everything. He promised that he'll make me happy and love our child as much as he can. I was assured that he'll love our child. That's all I need.'

'Everything changed about the news of our first child in my belly. He was being dedicated to me, to our baby. How can I stop loving this man? I don't deserve him. I will never be deserving of him.'

Mom, as much as you said that you don't deserve him, he also doesn't deserve you.

'You're finally spotted, Alliania. That's why, he was out of my reach when I was here, giving my all to gave my son a safe and normal delivery. Yes it's a boy. My gorgeous baby boy. I hope, he will be the one to see him, but I guess, he was much happy to see you first.'

'I.. I'm slowly draining.. Dustin Thelonious.. we promised. You promised.'

'Alliania, I guess, I supposed to return to you his love that was originally was yours, no, it was always been yours. It never become mine anyway. His love for me was  learned, it's not the way with you, he just loves you because you taught him to love. He's been crazily searching for you.'

'It's been long since you've been home, Dustin. It's your first time seeing your son after so many months, he was almost 1 year old, yet you were never here throughout his phase. It's also been long that we're going on and forth on this. I've made up my mind. I hope you let me be with my son, after this.' 

'Why? Why did you do that? Why did you kneel and beg for me to stay? I was, I was willing to give up on you, on us eventhough there's nothing in between. I was willing to give up the Empress Seat for your love, but why?'

'You could've ended us before get again together with her. I guess.. I wanted to get a divorce with you. As much as I love you, my son deserves it more.'

So, this is where he cheated and got again with that Alliania?

'You don't want me to leave? You really wanted me? You love me? You've been over Alliania? It's been years but you came back with her not knowing I was pregnant with out second child."

"I'm so tired, Dustine Thelonious. You never want to let go of me when it's obvious that you're still not over with Alliania. You promised to make me and this family you said happy, but I was here suffering. You're not giving me any spare to breathe nor leave.'

'You're here, sleeping peacefully on our bed, though you said, you're very much over with Alliania. I'm here, still suffering.'

"Please, I don't want any hopes that you will love me. I'm very much satisfied that you are here by my side.  That you love our children. Even if you said you're through with Alliania. You're searching for your dear child, right? If you tell me your love, how come you can't tell me everything? How come that your love is like this towards me, why it hurts? I could never come close to your love of life.'

'My dear child, I felt like you will be a girl, I wanted for you to honor my blessed name, I shall passed in unto you, my baby. That's what I thought when I was walking to the garden. I apologize that your mother is weak, I apologize that I've been hurt when I have you in my body and your big brother. I hope, you'll go along well with your brother. I also wish that your father will love you both so much, instead of me. I give my all to love you all. '

As this started with me, Mom never ever mentioned Alliania again. At the end of it, it was stated that their marriage become smooth after everything.

"I'm sorry. I love you, my dearest husband Dustine Thelonious."

It must be when.. she was strike by her disease and bedridden and died.

Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. I was crying, biting my lips. I hold my mother's diary and hugged it. There was nothing but pain and pain.

Even if you're not at fault because you just love a person, he just love another person. You were just so hard to love, Father.