HE IS HELL

Chapter thirteen

Chapter thirteen

I didn't know what to do. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep, my mind was haywire with unanswered questions. I desperately wanted to believe that Matthew was just drunk and didn't mean any of it – however, a part of me dreaded the truth; he did mean it.

I curled up on the beige couch, restless and annoyed. I was debating whether I should just order a taxi to the nearest boat or if I should wait until Matthew woke up. My makeup had been smudged from my own tears- I was upset, I didn't want to choose between them; let alone lose one of them.

It was light outside as I looked through the brown curtains, deciding to have a smoke. It was chilly, yet refreshing for my slightly exhausted and sobering body. Each puff of the cigarette drew out a sigh of mixed emotions – how should I feel? I've never had this before. I despised each moment of it. How would I even begin to explain this to Tristan? I can't see you any more, Matthew said so. – I couldn't, nor would I unfriend him because Matthew told me too. I was shy, but I'm also stubborn; asking that of me was too much and I wouldn't willingly do it.

By the time I came back in, I could hear Matthew stirring in the bedroom as footsteps approached the door. My heart pounded against my chest as I watched the handle move downwards and a tall half naked body stumble out. I stood by the kitchen door, watching as he walked slowly to the toilet. Bloodshot brown murky eyes looked my way as a snarl sounded from his mouth. I take it he's still angry at me, even in his sleep-like state. Not a word was said as he closed the door behind him, throwing up every substance he had swallowed last night. It sounded ghastly as I poured him a cold glass of water waiting by the toilet door to hand it to him. After a few minutes he came out, rudely snatching the glass and gulping down the contents – droplets of water ran down his bare chest. He was attractive, that's for sure.

"You made your choice. You're mine." Matthew taunted, mocking me with his belief of ownership. He was still drunk, disgustingly so as I smelt the vomit on his breath, his face just inches from mine as he bent down. My stubbornness melted away as the fear became present in my chest, a weight holding my voice box closed as I bit the inside of my cheek. Straightening himself, Matthew wandered back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. I breathed out a shaky breath, wondering if this was all a dream.

There was no use in sleeping as I grabbed a towel, retreating to the shower room. I knew the boiler wouldn't have been switched on, yet right now, I welcomed the cold water. I felt the need to wash away the previous hours in a desperate attempt to forget them. I tried to wrap my head around what had happened, deciding to look up online if that behavior was normal for a relationship or not. I knew it wasn't normal and I knew Matthew shouldn't have asked that of me, especially when drunk yet, the depressive part of me screamed to just ignore it – a guy like Matthew wouldn't be easy to find again.

Minutes passed after I had stepped out of the water – towel wrapped around my shoulders in an almost comfort-like barrier. I was stuck, unsure of what to do as my phone buzzed once again. Seven am already. Tiredness had crept into my bones rather quickly as I dressed back into my outfit, shaking off the uneasy feeling as I walked back to the couch and curling up against the cold leather.

I was in and out of sleep as I awoke to Matthew staring at me from the darkened hallway. He must have closed the kitchen door. I thought, more so hoped. "Matthew? You alright?" I called, sitting up and rubbing my left eye. He stood there for a few moments, loose boxers slipped down the side of his pelvis – showing more than it should. The tall figure slowly left the doorway – entering the kitchen. I followed behind, cautiousness pitied my bones while fear etched in my frontal lobe.

Peering through the kitchen door, Matthew stood placing bacon inside the acti-fryer. Looking at me, it was like a switch had flicked in his mind as he smiled at me. "Morning, how come you were on the sofa, couldn't sleep? I'm making bacon sarnies, do you want one?" I nodded, slightly gobsmacked at the drastic change.

He was just drunk then? I guess so.

Matthew pottered around the kitchen, pulling many drawers out – attempting to find the bread knife. He was acting completely normal. Should I bring it up? I decided to do so, well, at least some of it.

"Matthew, do you remember much of last night?" I swallowed what felt like my heart, slightly dreading the answer as he froze.

"No, should I? We had fun." Nodding, I smiled.

He doesn't remember.

That's a good thing, I can still speak to Tristan.

Be it secretly.

There was a thick, suffocating lie in the air, it was hazy; I could see it. Matthew continued making breakfast as I left for the bedroom, changing into my comfortable clothing. Not knowing what to say I packed my bag – hoping after breakfast we would make our way to the boat.

Matthew carried on as normal, watching an episode of his show to packing his clothes for the trip home. He had mentioned owning two cats – one black and white named Harvey and another tortuous – Pepper. However I had yet to see them until I walked outside for a smoke, both sitting near one another on the balcony. Harvey was sweet, overly friendly as he brushed up against my leg while Pepper stayed hidden between the brick wall and tumble-dryer. After a few strokes and failed encouragement to Pepper I walked to the gas station, stopping inside the pub first to use the bathroom then grabbing my favorite blue slush puppy.

I'm addicted. The blue set of huge E numbers zigzagging through my nervous system was beautiful!

It wasn't long before we left for the boat – our conversation non-stopping, the previous night seemingly forgotten about. I knew it was wrong, so very wrong for me to ignore his attitude but I saw more than just this confusing man. Matthew was something over wordly to me, something I really wanted to keep.

I just wasn't sure if I'd make it out alive.