HE IS HELL

Chapter thirty-seven

Chapter thirty-seven

Waking up the next day, alone in the bed, was something so terrifyingly safe. The sun slowly began to rise and the cool brisk air seeped in through the open window. For a moment, just for a moment, last night never happened.

I wasn't sure how to react when I stood in front of the bedroom door - one I never paid much attention to, now seemed so big and daunting. Do I want to go out? Do I even want to see Matthew? What if he's still drunk? There were too many questions and not enough answers as I turned the key and opened the door ajar.

My breath stayed hitched as I walked out, keeping Manya inside and locking the door behind me. I was nervous, scared and wanted to run but I knew if I didn't do it now, I would stay in the room for another day.

"Matthew?" I weakley called out walking down the stairs. I was right to feel nervous as his dull brown eyes looked to me from the sofa, he hadn't slept.

"Kat?" I bit my lip, planting myself on the bottom step as he sat up on the sofa, turning to me. "Why'd you lock the fucking door for?"

I scoffed. He didn't remember. "I locked the door because you strangled me Matthew." My body shook with fear and anger as he shrugged his shoulders.

"It was your fault. You pissed me off."

My fault?

My. fucking. fault.

"I'm going to sleep in the spare room. Have the fucking bedroom." Matthew stood, slowly walking towards me. I couldn't understand my own feelings as he passed me, ignoring my entire existence.

I was so fucking angry.

But more so, it fucking hurt.

I spent the morning being quiet with Manya, the sun finally warming the slabs in the garden as we sat outside and I lit a cigarette. My body throbbed and my neck was stiff, I refused to believe anything from last night - it just couldn't be real, could it?

Maybe I should speak to Amy. Nodding with myself, I sent Amy a message explaining last night, she was quick with a response.

From: Amy

Oh gosh, I'll ask Andrew. We'll be over in an hour.

I smiled despite the nerves I felt, she would definitely be a good mother. I decided to quickly have a wash and something to eat, not wanting to wake Matthew until they arrived.

I watched as Manya stuck her little pink nose in the air, closing her blue eyes and smelling the wind - she looked at peace and happy, something I wished I could feel right now. A numb sensation echoed from the depths of my chest while my depression nibbled at the back of my brain, feeding the thoughts I tried so hard to ignore.

Thankfully it wasn't long when the door knocked, pulling me away from my thoughts as Amy, Andrew and Dave arrived. They were quiet and sullen as we all entered the front room, sitting down. I rubbed my hands together, fidgeting at the nerves. I swallowed.

"Anyone want a drink, I have tea?"

As I explained to Dave and Andrew about last night, dread was slowly seeping into every pore upon my skin. Any noise I could hear worried me if it was Matthew waking up, his response to my confiding in the others terrified me.

Amy looked at me with a sympathetic look, nodding to Daves' plan of waking Matthew up himself. I really don't want Matthew waking up, could we just forget about it? I shouldn't have messaged anyone. Doubt seeped so far into my mind that I regretted my existence at that moment.

"Kat, we're here so nothing will happen. It was probably just a mistake that went too far." It was my turn to nod at Dave as he stood to go upstairs. Matthew, beating him to it, entered the front room, grimaced at their intrusion.

"Just in time, come sit down Matthew."

I didn't need to turn around to know Matthew was looking at me, I could feel the intense hatred he felt for me burning into the back of my skull.

"Why?" Was he still drunk?

"Kat told us about last night." Dave sighed, sitting back down, cuffing his black pant leg under the other. I zoned out as Dave continued to explain last night's antics to Matthew while I studied Daves' knitted gray sweater.

I'm too scared to even look at Matthew, let alone talk with him! I could feel the tightness around my chest as footsteps approached me. Matthew slumped beside me, his arm wrapping around the back on the sofa. His red and white polka t-shirt stretched under his muscles and the black sport shorts hung loosely on his legs.

I bit my lip as he breathed in.

"I didn't do anything. Kat slapped me in the face so I pushed her away." What? "Kat, is that true?" He was lying to cover his ass! No it's not true! I wouldn't- I froze as Matthews fingers hooked under my jumper from behind my neck. He's not going to let me tell them.

"I, uh, I.." The material of my jumper slowly itched at my skin. I wanted to cry. "I must have, sorry."

Andrew cleared his throat, standing. "Well, there it is then. You both did wrong so apologize to one another and that's it."

"Wait, why do I have to apologize?" Matthew asked as I looked to my lap. "Just do it, man ."

He doesn't even want to fake an apology? Asshat.

"Fine. Sorry Kat, don't know why but there you go." Biggest asshat in the history of asshats.

"sorry."

As soon as they left I felt the shift in the air, it was intense and heavy as Matthew looked at me with cold hazel eyes. "I hate you. This is all your fault you know that, right? If you stopped putting rubbish in the cellar this wouldn't have happened."

"Matthew, what are you talking about, rubbish?" I asked, almost speechless at his accusation.

"The fucking rubbish Kat! You leave it in the cellar all the time." He laughed bitterly, rubbing his temples.

"Matthew, all that is down there are bin bags of our stuff - like the swimming pool or, or the spare duvets we have." I stuttered, Matthew was beginning to walk outside the garden as I followed behind.

"Whatever Kat, I can't believe I even bother."

Fuck this.

"Well don't! I never asked you to marry me, you asked me. If it's too much for you Matthew then I'll just go back to mums' house." I could feel the blood rush through my veins as I struggled to roll myself a cigarette. The fucking rubbish, really?

Asshole!

I could hear Matthew shuffle his feet against the concrete slab, seemingly not knowing what to do. I was dumbfounded, he was blaming me all because of the 'rubbish' in the cellar? There's not even any rubbish to begin with! I shook my head at my thoughts, chewing my bottom lip. I decided to ignore Matthews' taunts as he walked inside, brushing his arm against my shoulder muttering about how he's 'back in his box.' Rolling my eyes at his behavior, I looked at the time, nearly four p.m. Manya will be wanting dinner soon.