HE IS HELL

Chapter fifty

Chapter fifty

Walking home at eight am was something I was beginning to really enjoy. Being able to witness the birds sing and life in general, start to wake up was blissful in a strange and lonesome way. Matthew still wouldn't leave me alone, going as far as messaging my family members. I rolled my eyes, he reminded me of a child that had their toy taken away- me being the toy in this scenario.

It was hitting the end of February when I was asked out on a date by a man named Gerald Cambell, him sending the first message on my social page. He wasn't my usual type. Slim, tall with dark blonde hair, a long shaped face with freckles dusting his skin and dull blue eyes. We spoke on the phone almost daily, us both planning for him to arrive later on today for our first date night. I offered for him to stay the night, feeling oddly comfortable with trusting the stranger.

I was excited. I just really needed to hurry home and get ready. I had forgotten just how much preparation was needed for a date, noticing the time was seemingly going faster, almost as if the world knew I needed today to be slow paced. Once I had arrived home, I switched the boiler on knowing I'd be lucky to have a hot shower first. While I waited, I knew it would be a good idea to clean my bedroom.

I chewed my bottom lip when I saw the mess, ignoring the dull pain from the habit. Did I really let myself go this much? The arrival men had delivered most of my belongings last month, the most important belonging of mine, funny enough, had gone missing. The bear my grandad had given me had disappeared and I knew Matthew had something to do with it. He knows how special the bear is, no doubt this is one of his many ways in getting back at me. He still had my dads' watches. I shook my tired head, undoing the ponytail and scratching the sore spot. Forget about him, think about the date!

It was already lunchtime when the room was cleaned. Fresh black silk linen and freshly mopped blossom smelling floors with neatly packed away storage was a satisfying sight. Maybe this date is what I needed. I'm slowly getting out of my slump already. Nodding to myself, I opened the bedroom window and grabbed my underwear and blue dressing gown.

I was right when I felt the water sprinkle from the hot tap alone, it was lukewarm - someone recently had a shower. Undressing, I placed my purple uniform shirt on top of the closed toilet seat, stepping inside the shower. What the bloody hell am I meant to shave first? Looking down, my figure felt a mess. My collar bones had started to show more and for the first time I could see my hip bones. I sighed, body dysmorphia was slowly creeping its way inside.

After I had shaved my legs in an upward motion, I started on my underarms, forearms, stomach and face. Saving my down below area for last. Stretching my back muscles, I rested my right leg on the side of the bathtub, thanking my mother internally for having a bath with a shower attached. Whoever invented the idea of shaving a vagina really didn't think through the flexibility of it. My back is already aching and I'm not even a quarter way through!

It took me a good ten minutes to finish shaving my down below and bottom area, stretching every muscle I had when I stepped out of the bath. My neck throbbed from looking down so much as I moaned painfully, wrapping the dressing gown around my figure. My stomach made its presence known, growling loudly as I decided to let myself air dry while I went to make lunch.

Rolling a cigarette, I sat in the kitchen. The house was thankfully quiet as I yawned, tired from the night shift. Choosing to have a sandwich, I quickly sliced up the cheese and tomatoes, adding salt and pepper. Gerald had messaged to let me know he would be at the station for six pm, meaning I had two hours until I had to leave and travel to the train station to meet him. I really just fancy taking a nap.

Matthew thankfully hadn't messaged me yet, giving me some sort of peace while I chose my outfit for the day. It was cold outside, so a dress was definitely out of the question. In the end I decided on blue high waisted jeans, a black vest top and my leather jacket. I knew the slump was returning when I drew on my eyeliner, not bothering to wear foundation and only using Vaseline as a lipstick.

It's probably just from where I'm tiredI. I thought to myself, grabbing my headphones and wallet to stop at the store before I catched the bus.

Hopefully.