HE IS HELL

Chapter forty-six

Chapter forty-six

The next two months passed by quickly, Matthew having returned after the second month - leaving me for another month to go back to the UK by himself. The silence in our German home was eerie, the walls painted with memories we both wished to forget as we started to pack the rest of our belongings. The removal men had arrived a few hours ago, hurrying the workload due to it being Halloween night.

I had spent time with my friends, making another friend, Cale, in the process. He reminded me of a scene teenager in 2008 with the long black fringe and snake bite piercings. I was jealous, my teeth wouldn't work well with lip piercings. I adore his fashion sense - black tight jeans, studded belts and white polo tops, sticking to the scene subculture.

I watched from the window as many children dressed as ghosts, princesses, soldiers and much more knocked on each house on the street. I had brought a few tubs of chocolate sweets, wearing my own skeleton dress to celebrate. I loved Halloween, despite knowing this was our last and only one here, I was determined to enjoy it either way.

"Kat! Can you help pack the kitchen?" Matthew asked. I felt like I was on eggshells with him, every move I made seemed to tick him off in one way or another. I could tell he was acting as if July and August never happened - like he never strangled Manya and me. I felt disgusted the week he returned, myself giving into desperation as I held onto him, hoping he was real. A few days later his fingers woke me up almost every morning, already buried deep inside - regardless if I wanted it or not.

A huge part of me wanted to forget all the wrong doings, restart our entire life fresh and just move on but the niggling in the back of my mind and the nervousness I felt around him rang alarm bells. I was stuck, with no way out.

"Kat?"

"Yeah, coming." I left the chocolates outside, deciding to just let the kids' take however much they wanted.

The alarms sounded at three am, myself still awake as Matthew yawned beside me, switching it off and placing his arm over my chest. My breath hitched, his touch made me feel more uncomfortable with every passing day.

One day, it'll be back to normal. I reassured myself. Right?

"I really don't want to drive all that way. I'm so tired." The Northern accent of my husband rumbled through the pillow. "You really need to hurry up and get your license."

If I had my license, would I have left already?

"I'll try and get it soon. We should get up, it's time to go."

Would I have chosen freedom?

It didn't take much persuasion for Matthew to get up and get dressed while I showered and packed my backpack with clothes and a bin bag with Manyas' tray and food bowl. She was nuzzled under the duvet on the bed, seemingly oblivious to the long journey ahead of her. I knew she wasn't going to like being in a cage for such a long time, I just hoped she would survive it.

"Kat, hurry up, we're leaving in ten minutes." I nodded at Matthew, placing my jumper inside the cage for comfort. Grabbing the rest of my belongings, I placed them inside his car and made room for Manya on the back seats. Checking the time, we were already twenty minutes behind as I ran back inside, checking every drawer in the house and wardrobes for any left items. Once I was sure we had packed everything, I took Manya to the car, covering half her cage with the duvet. She mewed a few times before thankfully, settling down and falling asleep. I had messaged my mum to let her know we were leaving as Matthew started the car, depositing the house keys inside the postbox.

"Right, let's go then." He closed the car door, locking us all inside. I swallowed.

"Let's go."

The following Monday, Matthew and I waited patiently for the removal men to arrive after spending the weekend at his mothers' flat. Our new house looked tiny from the outside where we parked, an end-of-terraced house with two bins, one red and one black. I relished in the normality of the bin situation, missing the UK standard for rubbish.

Deciding to inspect the house first, Matthew and I walked inside. The layout became confusing with both the front and back door being on the same wall with only the stairs in between them. It was small, incredibly small compared to the German home. Our front room would barely fit our sofa inside and the spare room just big enough for storage and my books. The master room on the other hand, was just as small with only a walkway around the bed. I knew it was about to feel crowded in here.

"They're here. I can't wait to just be able to sit down in our house." I nodded.

Our house.