HE IS HELL

Chapter thirty-two

 Chapter thirty-two

December was quickly arriving as Matthew and I finished our late night shopping in Rolla, a huge supermarket ten minutes drive away. I wasn't sure what we had brought, it was difficult having an input when you couldn't pay for food. I really need a job soon. It was as if by magic when my phone rang with an email, my application for a local store was finally accepted after weeks of waiting.

"Matthew, I've been offered an interview for a job!" I beamed as he drove, himself sharing the same excitement as he congratulated me. "That's good babe! You can start paying rent!" That was short lived. "Hopefully I get the job, I still need to pass the interview yet." Matthew agreed as he parked outside the house, us both grabbing whichever carrier bag was closest. "It'll be good if you could start working soon. It'll get you out of the house and you can make some friends and have a social life." I nodded, agreeing.

"I'd like to have friends." I spoke, mainly to myself as Matthew opened the front door, stopping when he looked behind our yellow bin.

Oh shit- "You have a parcel, what is it?"

Darn it "Christmas presents." he raised his eyebrow. "Where'd you get the money for it?" I swallowed, debating if I should tell Matthew the truth. I kinda have to now.

"I borrowed money from my family, I wanted you to have something on Christmas day." Should have kept your mouth shut. The weight of his silent stare was enough for me to know I was in trouble, my ears red from unspoken words as we continued to bring the bags inside. Matthew was quiet as I closed the front door, his breath the only thing to be heard. I sighed.

"I know, it was a bad idea - I just didn't want you to wake up on Christmas day with nothing from me."

He sighed.

I swallowed.

Hard.

"I can't eat presents, Kat. We can't pay for shit with fucking presents." He is really pissed at me, huh? Maybe I shouldn't have brought them.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever, I need a drink." I felt the gnawing at my chest as soon as I saw Matthew pick up the black rimmed bottle of Port, pouring a glass and placing it back in the fridge. I really fucked up this time. Every step I took felt like pins were underneath my feet and a cage had been locked tightly around my chest constricting my breath. Drunk Matthew scared me, but the process of him becoming drunk was more terrifying- he became more unpredictable.

"I'll make some food, do you want anything?" He laughed at my question. "All you ever do is eat and sleep."

I stood awkwardly at the front room door frame, my fingers gripping one another to stop the tears that threatened to fall. I knew I was gaining weight, I knew I should lose more weight. I knew I should just be perfect for him.

It was hours after that my uneasiness subsided when Matthew walked to the sofa, falling beside me. The potent smell of red wine turned my nose and churned my stomach in disgust, his lips were tinted with the liquid -much like he had cut his lips open is what it looked like. His hazel eyes had become murky with desire as I looked back to the T.V ignoring his stare.

"Kat." ..... "Kat."........ "Kaaat"

The cage grew tighter. "Yes?"

"Let's go have some sex." I almost choked.

"No, no. Matthew, I don't want sex right now."

Matthew laughed as my eyes darted to his movement, hand reaching between my legs. "Come on, it'll be quick. Why don't you put an outfit on for me?" Standing up, I moved away from the drunken man on the couch.

"No, I'm going to bed. Night." Leaving him there, I walked upstairs. Breathing deeply once I reached the bedroom, shivering from the cold stare he gave me in return for my non-compliance. There was something so dark about Matthew, something that made my skin crawl from the outside in.

Changing into his loose shirt and pants I tucked myself under the cream duvet cover, my mobile playing the latest Doctor videos. I was oddly fascinated at the ER stories and the new heart technology like the coronary angioplasty treatment. Something about learning ways in which the body could better itself enticed me in such a way that I would happily watch the same episode over and over again.

Matthew came to bed shortly after, his thundering footsteps loud enough for my heart to begin to pound. Locking my mobile, I brought the covers up over my head, pretending to sleep - It felt like I was a child hiding from a monster.

A big, drunk monster.

"Kat?"

Close your eyes and don't talk.

Wait...

Why am I scared?

"Kat, you awake?" I felt the bed dip behind me as Matthew creeped in, his hand resting on my waist. I didn't want to deal with his drunkenness, so I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. His breathing evened out after a few breaths, him pulling the cover from my face and shaking me gently.

"Matthew, please. I'm tired." I begged, opening my eyes slightly - enough to see his blurred features. "I'll be quick." his hand began pulling my black pants down my thigh.

"Matthew, I don't want to. Please." my own left hand pulled my pants up as I struggled to keep them there.

"You'll enjoy it. Just admit it."

I bit my lip

and closed my eyes

for the longest time.