Fields of Lavenders

4

"Saang lupalop ka ng mundo nag punta kahapon Architect?"

That's what Gabriel greeted me early this morning, everyone wondered where I had ventured myself to. Since they all know I'm not the type to leave randomly without any valid reason.

"Ikaw ha, baka may jowa ka na-"

"Shut up Martinez, and for goodness sake wala ka bang ibang gagawin kung hindi ang inisin ako?" I frustratedly said dahil kanina pa ako nagiisip ng sketch para sa bahay ng teacher ko pero hanggang ngayon ay wala parin ako maisip-isip.

"Oh, kalma. Masyado ka namang defensive, ano ba yan? Kanina ka pa nandyan ah, mukhang nauubusan ka na ng creative juices Architect ah." He joked as he glance at my paper na halos malukot na.

"New client, the reason why I left so sudden yesterday." I simply said without giving him any clues.

"Bakit hindi mo nalang kase ipagawa sa team mo? Para san pa't may team ka-"

"They wanted me, Gabriel. Not the team, me. They specifically said they want my ideas and everything I know on this house. And even If I present them sketches from my team, they'll still look for mine and will also choose my sketch." I said looking at him in the eye.

"What's the problem, your a wonderful architect. Kahit nung college ikaw na talaga ng pinaka-matalino sa batch natin, gaano ba kahirap yan at halos punitin mo na yang papel na yan?" He asked.

"Yes, I maybe a 'wonderful architect' and the top of our batch. But I'm just not fond of designing houses, kaya nga I took Urban and not Interior." I said, trying to calm down.

"At bakit naman? Architect ka pero ayaw mo magdesign ng bahay." Asar nya.

"Ikaw nga Engineer pero ayaw din na gumagawa ng bahay, what's the difference?" I rebutted.

"Ayaw ko lang kase madumihan ang napakagandang katawan ko, Architect. Bawas pogi points yon." Asar nya ulit.

"Oh as if you have one, and besides. You know why." I shot him a look.

"Alam mo, hindi. Hindi ko alam. Ang galing galing mo, sabi mo nga noon gusto mo Interior design. Pero one day bigla ka nalang nag Urban, nanghihinayang nga ang ibang prof. Sinasabi nila na you'll be a good interior designer daw. Ang tataas pa naman ng mga scores mo sa plates natin tuwing ang design is about sa bahay." He said as he stares at me.

"Totoo yon, my designs that involves a house always gets the highest grade in our block. However, their not uno. It's always 1.4, the closest is 1.2" I said reciprocating the same stare before saying something again. "Why? Even if our profs doesn't say it I know something's missing. Designing houses have been hard for me because I can't feel home." I utter, trying to hold myself back from crying.

"Lavelle..." He uttered.

My auntie once told me that an interior designer has two goals, one of them is the safety of their clients. Though it's an engineer's job to do that, an interior designer must be able to make a design that the house can handle. It must be perfect for the structure and foundation of the house. The second one is making their clients feel the sense of home as soon as they step foot into their house.

Pero how can you give something you don't have? Paano ka makakapag bigay ng pera sa isang tao kung ikaw mismo ay wala non? Same goes to me, How can I make my clients feel at home when I, myself haven't been able to feel it for the past 8 years? That's why I didn't take interior designing as my specialty, I figured I wouldn't be able to justify the roles of being one.

"Ang hirap kaya Gab, ang hirap magpatuloy when your being tied to something from your past." I said, wiping my tears away.

He hugged me and caress my back, allowing my tears to flow.