𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 | r. berry

Original Song

"...And this is the rec room," Autumn said as she finished showing Rachel around Desert Park hospital. "We meet here in the morning and evening for Bitch and Bull."

"What?" Rachel asked with a light laugh.

"That's what we call our group therapy sessions. Well...that's what I call our group therapy sessions," Autumn shrugged. "We also just hang out here throughout the day when we're not being tortured in the Torture Chamber, aka the cafeteria. All of us ED kids nicknamed it that."

"Very fitting," Rachel said as they sat down on the couch. "So, how have you been? You're looking well."

"I'm doing okay," Autumn mumbled as she looked down. "Food's been a little harder lately."

"How come?"

"I don't know," the green-eyed girl sighed. "Some days are just harder than others, and everything's been rough since I met Harold."

"Yeah, Naomi was telling me about that," Rachel said as Autumn looked back up.

"How is she doing?"

"She's good," the Jewish girl nodded. "She misses you. We all do. It feels so weird getting ready for regionals without you. You're gonna come, right?"

"I think so? I asked Nurse Eliza, but she said I'd have to ask Nurse Wilson."

"The scary one?"

"Yeah," Autumn nodded. "So, how's the prep for regionals coming?"

"We're doing original songs," said Rachel.

"Is that why Naomi sent me a video of Santana singing a song called Trouty Mouth?" Autumn asked, trying to contain her laughter.

"Yeah, it's not going as well as it could be," Rachel chuckled.

From the door of the rec room, Eliza watched the two brunettes with a small smile. She knew that the break up had been hard for Autumn, and her eating disorder had become a way for her to cope with it. But now, it seemed like her and Rachel were patching things up.

Autumn was all set to go home in a few weeks. She just had to maintain her healthy, current weight and prove to the nurses that she was better enough to go home. Once being discharged, she'd still have to be watched closely to make sure she doesn't relapse, and if she does, then she's to be brought back immediately.

"Ladies," Eliza cleared her throat, getting the two girls' attention. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but visitation hours are ending soon."

"Can you just give us a moment, please?" Autumn asked.

"Of course," Eliza nodded with a warm smile before leaving.

Autumn and Rachel looked at each other for a moment, neither girl knowing what to say. Without thinking, the diva leaned in, gently connecting their lips in a delicate kiss. She inched closer to the shorter girl and wrapped her arms around her shoulders to pull her closer.

Autumn sighed into the kiss, relishing in the familiar feeling of her ex-girlfriend's lips on hers. For a moment, things were almost like they were before.

And then that moment ended.

Rachel pulled away, breaking the kiss as she did so. The two girls stood up and hugged, wishing that they didn't have to be apart again.

"Try to get better, okay?" Rachel requested with a small smile.

"I will," Autumn said as she linked their pinkies together. "I promise."

****

The New Directions had won regionals, and Autumn couldn't have been more proud of them and the hard work they had put into their set-list by writing original songs.

She wasn't gonna lie. She missed it. A lot. She loved all the time she had spent with her friends in the choir room, and she missed performing with them. When she watched them compete, she couldn't help but feel a sad sense of longing. She hated that she was missing out on so much because she let her insecurities get the better of her.

Which now led to her staring down at her dinner plate, tears threatening to pour out of her eyes.

"I can't do it," she mumbled.

"Yes you can," Nurse Eliza said gently. "You have to eat, Autumn. I know it seems like the end of the world, but it's better than dying."

"I don't wanna die to this thing," Autumn cried, running a hand through her hair. "I've seen the documentaries, and I'm terrified I'm gonna end up just like them."

"You're not going to. You have so many people who care about you, and they're gonna be here to support you and make sure you get better. But you have to try. Nothing's going to get better unless you try," Nurse Eliza said, comfortingly rubbing the teenager's back. "Just a few small bites? You have to eat something."

Autumn took a shaky breath and picked up her fork. She took a bite of the meatloaf, slowly chewing as Josephine's voice echoed in her ears.

Tell ED to fuck off. You deserve to eat and be happy.

She could do this. She would do this. She wanted to get better. She wanted to be able to see herself the way that her friends and family saw her.

And for the first time in months, she was beginning to think that she could do it.

a/n - i pinky promise this story isn't discontinued, i've just lost all motivation for it. but i'm gonna push through it and do my best to try and update more 💪🏻