Tum Jo Pass Ho

Chapter 19

Night before divorce.

One want this night to never want and other one wants it to be shortest night. This both soul are in their each other world. Both want to be with each other but because of situation they can't. Both love each other. One want to cherish the other with love. One is regretting loving the other. The most difficult night for this both soul.

Shiva Pov

Today the sky is empty without its moon. And my life is empty without my love. But stars are shining in the sky just like hope is shining inside me. Hope to get her back. Hope to be forgiven. Hope to be together.

Just like my face my heart is blank. I am starting at the sky full of darkness. I don't want this night to end. Or if its night that just take me with you. I am waiting for life to get shattered tomorrow this night. 

My emotions are block. My mind don't want to think about anything else expect her, her face, her smile, her love. Her smiling face is flashing in front of my eyes making me steeped in pool of guilt.

I am feeling guilt for making that smile vanish. I am regretting everything which I did without thinking twice. I am feeling guilt for everything.

But this doesn't matter. The broken piece of glass can't be like before. The dead flower can't bloom again. The darkness which my life held had become the part of myself.

Without her single second this impossible. Without her I am feeling worthless. Because for her I  was her bandar, Bhootnath and Chattan Pandya. Without her I am feeling unknown to myself.

How much she is important for me is something which cannot be describe. She made this Chattan Pandya feel emotion. She made this shiva melt like ice.

But soon reality hit me that she is not with me. Or will never?? The fear of losing her crossed all the boundaries in my heart. I can't afford to lose her. 

I can't lose her because she is part of myself. If she is not with me today or tomorrow but I will be with her only as my heart belongs to her.

Today my whole body is numb to react thinking about tomorrow morning. I want to cry but tears are not helping me. 

I want to scream my love for her and bring her back but I can't. I have dig the grave for myself with my own hand. 

Tomorrow we will be get apart from the relationship which was holding us together. Tomorrow my soul will leave my body.

Tomorrow this shiva Pandya will die. I will be just like dead body. The girl who made my life beautiful like her will leave me alone.

I can't live without her but knowing what I did make me punch myself hard. That girl made my family her and in return she just want a family and I failed to give her.

Infact I failed to respect her, I failed to recognize that she was human. I treat her like trash and let my family also treat her like that. I failed to protect our marriage.

She was alone is this marriage and when she needed me I was never with her. And today when I need her most she is not with me.

Your wrong Karma return to you in bad way. I lost that innocent soul. Infact I never was with her and today I lost her. From now I will feel death everyday.

Raavi Pov

My eyes are fixed on the laptop screen. I am looking at it blankly. I want to eraser the memories of him from my mind nut can't.

Every moment we spent together was dancing in my eyes. I know in that moment also I was alone and  just like today.

I don't regret that moment. I can't never. In that moment I was feeling alive. But today that memories are curse for me. 

I have read that love is most twisted curse. That curse have badly effected me. After having heart break I allowed my heart to love again but everything become worst.

My eyes, body, soul still held love for him and I will not denied this feeling.

I thought that finally I will be also loved by someone but it was mirage for me. The reality gave me tight slap for her. My beautiful dream turn into worst nightmare.

And I have to live with the shadow of that nightmare. I can't do anything to stop my mind and heart thinking about him. But I have to. Soon..

Tomorrow we both will be released from this marriage forever. I should be happy by this but my heart still craved for him.

I wish that it is bad nightmare and soon I will wake up from it in arms for my love. I want to hate him but my heart is not ready.

And I know that after divorce also I will still love him which is the worst. I can't myself from loving that wrong man. I fell for wrong person. 

Why didn't he trusted me for once?? Why didn't he listen me once?? why?? His one try will have mend nothing because his blind trust and love for his Bhabhi will not allow.

The sun which shine inside my heart has set forever. The feeling to feel something has left my soul. My soul left me.

Tears are blocked. Raavi you need to strong. You can't cry. But how many day a person can be strong?? How many days that person will hide his pain??

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This chapter was all about Shivi feelings so it was little shorter. Sorry for it.

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