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╰─━━━━━━━─╯ ︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿︿ │ │ │ │. ;; │ │ │ ✧ │ │ ♡ │ ✧ ♡ WARNING! THERE WILL BE MENTIONS OF TRANSPHOBIA/SUICIDAL INTENTIONS. ━━━━━━━
You sprinted out from your home, vision cloudy with tears as you did so. You messed up. You told your parents that you wanted to be referred to as "he". They were livid, yelling at you and punishing you. They claimed you were just confused, and that you had no idea what you wanted. They also claimed the people around you are influencing you— pushing their transphobia onto Arashi. Not Arashi. She's the sweetest person you've ever met, and yet all they can see her for is her gender. She's absolutely filled with amazing personality that they could have unpacked and enjoyed if they just put the past aside. Yet they can't. Why not? Why can't they just accept it and try? If they made mistakes, it would be fine, but what the hell? Is it really that hard to love someone after an exterior thing has changed? Inside, you're still flesh and bone. You're still you.
Tears spilled over your complexion in an ugly sob as you made a break for the Ensemble Square building, wishing to clear your head upon the rooftop. It has a flat area where you usually go to vent your frustrations to the open air, or simply cry where no one is watching. Climbing the stairs in an uncoordinated fumble, your mind blanked. It simply told you to do one thing.
Jump.
That was the only way to be comfortable. You could end it all, and hopefully, come back as the right thing next time. Wiping tears with your forearm, you burst through the door leading to the roof. Upon shutting it behind yourself, you felt the cold breeze rush against your soaked face. Sniveling, you slowly advanced towards the edge of the building. It would be so easy to climb the fence and jump. Was this truly the right way? Your fingers slid through the holes in the fence, heaving a sigh of hesitation. The sun was gone from the sky, leaving the moon to sorrowfully peer upon you. The stars were out. They were beautiful.
"WAIT—! PLEASE!"
A familiar voice shrieked in horror. You jolted away from the fence, afterwards turning yourself around to face the person. She was breathing heavily, her expression screwed up with tears in her eyes. "Hold on. Producer—" she inhaled deeply, struggling to relax herself. "Hey, Arashi," you sniffled. "Uh, what's up?" She rolled her eyes, evidently not convinced with your attempt at playing off whatever was happening. "I came to find you. What were you doing on that fence?"
You were at a loss for words. What the hell could you even tell her?
"Uhm, I was looking at the stars." "Liar," she snapped, her nose scrunching with rage. "You were going to jump, weren't you?" All you could do was nod, crossing your arms as your tears worsened. Her voice softened, "Listen. I know you want to end it all, but there's a whole world out there for you to see. It doesn't seem worth it when you're in pain, that's true— but there is hope. When you see something so breathtaking in this world, you'll forget all about your pains. If you jump, you'll be screaming with regret the whole way down." You knew she was right. With a shameful expression, you leaned against the fence. "I want to. Arashi— I can't fucking take it." "Don't—" the blonde rushed forwards, grabbing your forearm. She tugged you towards herself, caging you to her chest. "You dare. Don't ever leave us behind. You're a sparkling, wonderful person. You deserve to live."
Sniffling, you peered up at her. "I told my parents about my gender.." "What about it?" "Ah— I didn't tell you?" You seemed taken aback. How had you forgotten. Arashi pat your head. "Not yet, but I'm all ears now." "Phew, okay, uh," you inhaled deeply, taking a single step back. Arashi slid her hands into yours, her gorgeous smiling blessing your eyes. "I'm transgender. I want to be called 'pretty boy' and so on." Her expression lifted instantly. "No way! We're both trans! What kind of name are you thinking of?" Slowly, your lips lifted into a smile. "I really like Name! But I have so many choices, it's hard to decide." "Whaa, such a handsome name!" Arashi beamed, practically bouncing up and down at the thought of a likeminded individual.
You heaved a small sigh. "Can I talk to you?" "Of course," she softly gazed into your eyes. "What's going on?" "My parents hate me now. They always said I love you, but it changed so fast.."
"It's crazy how people can say they love you, then change it all because of your gender." Arashi finished, practically reading your mind.
You nodded. "Exactly! Even if I want to be called 'he', I'm still the same inside. How does gender change so much when I'm still the same person I was before?" "Oh my god," shaking her head, the knight squeezed your hands gently in hers. "They should be blind-sided to gender, really. This is tough, I know, but it's no use hiding anymore." Lifting your head with confusion, you stared into Arashi's eyes. "What?" "Be proud of who you are! Nobody can tell you what to be," she grinned at you, her entire features softening. "Don't worry about them. You can be who you are, even if it's in secret." "Forget about dysphoria."
Her eyes widened, expression crinkling afterwards. "That stuff is the goddamn worst. I'm a girl inside, so why do I feel like trapped outside?" For once, you finally felt understood. "It's like my own skin is tight and uncomfortable! Do you feel that way too?" "Yes! I hate it so much," she huffed. "Anyways, what do you say we go out to eat tonight? You deserve a celebration!" "A celebration? For what?"
"The most incredible boyI know emerging from his shell."
Your stomach flipped at the use of your proper pronouns. It felt so.. fitting. You almost felt energized at just the mention of you being a boy. It felt incredible to be respected as an equal. Laughing now, you embraced Arashi. "I love you!" "Haha! I love you, too!" She embraced you, lifting you into her arms. "Nah, that's it, you're my girlfriend now." Arashi laughed aloud, nodding her head eagerly. "The one and only," she then set you on your feet. "Alright, I know this amazing restaurant you and me can eat at. C'mon, we can't be late!"
Needless to say, you had an absolutely amazing night(thanks to Arashi). You can't thank her enough, still. If it weren't for her, you wouldn't even be alive today. It proved to you that there will always be something more; something more than gender, more than acceptance, something to live and stand up for. This world may not accept you, but if you accept yourself, then you already fit right in.
There is nothing wrong with you. Even when they're born differently, a wolf is a wolf.
