1. An introduction.

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A/N: I write as part of my healing therapy. I've never published any stories because they are too personal, dedicated to my mom, hubby, and daughters.

So, this is my first time writing a fanfic. I do appreciate any comment that could help me improve as a person and as a writer, but I humbly ask you to avoid any mean comments; honestly, I don't know why I decided to share this work of mine, but... well... here it is.

Some parts are actually based on my life, but I will not specify which chapters or situations.

Please vote if you like what you read.

To any reader that comes upon this "book": I wish you a beautiful life 💜

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March 17th, 2024: Thank you so much for the 5k reads!!! Definitely the best birthday present ever!
Please vote and comment if you like what you read, and once again... Thank you!

May 3rd, 2024: 6k reads! Thank you so much!

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Let me start by talking about me. I'm the youngest sister of 5 in a normal family, and since I was my father's last hope of a boy, I became his only refuge in "handing over" his dreams. I learned how to fix a car, how to shoot guns and rifles, how to drink strong booze without getting drunk, and how to defend my sisters if they needed me.

I had great teen years in my small hometown; however, I felt an exasperated need to get away and try to breathe on my own, without the burden of taking over my dad's "legacy" as the "man of the family". So, I did. With the credible excuse that the career I really wanted to study was in another state, in the biggest university in one of the biggest cities in my country, I moved away from my family to continue my studies and started a life of my own.

Starting a new life in my mid-twenties was hard, there were many moments I felt alone and wanted to go back and cuddle in my mom's sweet embrace, but I couldn't because I was my dad's pride and joy, and I couldn't let him down just like that. So, I tried to hold on to something to get me through, and that's when the most wonderful thing in my life happened: I heard Mikrokosmos. Finally, my Korean lessons were paying off because I understood every single word of the lyrics! (For those who told me learning Korean was a waste of time, with all due respect... FY)

Fuck! The lyrics, the melody, the vocals, everything was just beautiful! I can't remember how the hell I came across listening to this song because I just got so hooked on it that everything else didn't seem to matter. I do remember diving right into the web trying to find out more about this song, and it turned out it was a recent release of BTS. My thoughts were like -oh dear, please don't tell me this is a boyband song, I'm totally into hip-hop and rap, not these cheesy K-pop trends. But I just couldn't stop listening to it, then I listened to the rest of the album, and there was Intro: Persona - 'I just wanna give you all the shoulders when you cry'. I must confess that that day in May I got captured by the incredible magic of BTS. Their music started to bring light and easiness to my life, one song at a time.

By the end of 2020, I started dating Sebastian, a colleague from the university. I was teaching physics to first-term students, and he was the thermodynamics teacher. (Yes, I was a geek who finished an engineering major at the same time I was studying psychology) Things just fell into place with him, we were totally different, but I guess it's true opposites attract and complement each other. He also mocked me for being a huge BTS fan, but he knew that if he pushed it a little bit too far with the mocking, he would soon become history in my life because 7 boys with their music were my life's treasure. I believe he remained cool with the whole BTS thing as long I didn't have a bias or "dirty dreams" (as he said) with any of them; but honestly, I couldn't guarantee him that I wouldn't, I mean... just listen to Suga rap, right?

Sebastian and I eventually became a couple, and he became the love of my life, my oddly so opposite soulmate, my safe place.

Skipping time a bit, I finished a master's in Neuroscience, he started working at a great company, and I started a doctorate in neuropsychology. I studied hard, and still do.

We got married shortly after I finished my master's, a small but meaningful ceremony with only our family and close friends. We lived in the big city, and I had to leave behind my small hometown, knowing I would only be going back for holidays or saying farewell to loved ones. I lost my mom a few months after we got married, and I still cry her every day, but thanks to the boys and their music I have learned to smile her more instead of crying her.

Anyway, we had a good and simple life, every day we would start it and end it with a kiss and sweet words. He spoiled me in any way he could, and the best thing he did was to surprise me with the most perfect gift for our first anniversary: BTS tickets for Las Vegas PTD!! OMG!! I finally was going to see the boys live! In the best seats ever! He always went the extra effort for me. He went to the concert with me, and even if he denied it I know he enjoyed it very much.

We had the best second honeymoon ever. His heart was the purest heart I have ever met, and for that, I will be forever grateful. Btw, BTS was the cause I finally got pregnant, yes, right after the concert I fucked my bae so hard that we got pregnant even though my doctor said I couldn't.

My life couldn't be better, I had the best husband beside me, I was studying what I wanted, I saw the boys live, and I was carrying a tiny life inside me. My bae would constantly talk to my tummy, saying that she was the most precious thing in his life and that it was okay if she became a BTS fan, too. Yes, he wanted them so bad to be a girl.

Everything was just perfect, until that day, the worst day of my life.

I still cry just remembering that call, the worst call anybody could get: my bae got caught in a crossfire between police forces and dealers. I was so in my classes that I didn't see the breaking news until my best friend, Aby, called me asking me if I was ok, and if Sebastian was ok...

— "What are you talking about?? Hubby's at work as always, what do you mean if he's ok?"

Just then, I got another call from a stranger asking me to get to the hospital as soon as possible. WTF IS HAPPENING??!! My friend, Aby, was with me in a matter of minutes and took me to the university's hospital, I couldn't drive, just couldn't. Knowing we were both professors they led me directly to the emergency ward. I got there just in time, just in time to say goodbye... GOD! His eyes, his words, always thinking of me first, caring for me beyond anything. He didn't let me speak; he just gave me instructions on what to do because he wasn't going to be there next to me anymore...

—"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? YOU WILL BE WITH ME ALWAYS!! WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?? NOOO!!"

Then, he smiled, he said he loved me more than the universe, and that everything would be all right; I kissed him to shush him, I didn't want him to keep talking nonsense... and he closed his eyes one last time.

—"NOOOOO!!"

I remember Aby holding me tight before everything went dark on me. When I woke up, I saw two of my sisters and my dad right next to me.  How long have I been out? What's happening? Where is my Bae? It turned out I was in an induced coma for five days, and my whole world was turned upside down. I felt weird, something else was missing... my baby! My heart and body couldn't handle my Bae's loss and I went into preeclampsia and my baby didn't make it, so they had me sedated for obvious reasons after that.

Our families took care of my Bae and baby's memorial, I wasn't there for a last goodbye, I just lost every meaning in my life. When my family thought it was okay, they gave me the ashes, both together in a forever bond nobody could break. I had to find the courage and strength to take them to the chapel and leave them there to rest. I visited them as often as I could, telling them about my life, and playing BTS music to annoy hubby and delight baby, she was a girl.

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A/N: Sorry for the long chapter; as I mentioned before, this is part of my healing therapy, I felt the need to put it all out in order to be able to write without some sort of guilt I guess, regarding not acknowledging enough my hubby's love.

Thank you!

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