Unexpected Love

36. Love Confessions and First Argument

— "Good morning Nae Nabi, sorry I kept you here taking care of me."

— "Oh, it's ok, Sweetie. I wouldn't have it any other way. You told me you needed me to get through this tour, didn't you? So, last night was about getting you through the tour."

— "Thank you, I really appreciate it. Now that I'm feeling better, tell me about your day off with Iseul."

I told him about my day over a light breakfast and coffee. I pulled out a little purple box from my bag and handed it over to him. I bought him a black leather bracelet with spikes on it when we were walking around Venice Beach.

— "Ahh Bella, it's great!" Just for my 'Bad Boy' look." — He leaned over to give me a kiss. — "Bella? Did I ask you to sing to me last night?"

— "Yes, you did, and I complied. Don't you remember?"

— "Aaah, yes I do! I thought I was dreaming, though; my head played some tricks on me last night."

— "You did have a light sleep, you tossed around, mumbled..."

— " I usually don't dream, but last night I dreamt I was at my old home next to my piano. I could hear my eomma singing by the window, and when I walked towards her she turned around smiling at me, then turned back to the window as she stopped singing. Then I looked out the window and there you were, standing outside, singing like you did last night. Eomma was smiling at you and blew you a kiss." — he had the look of a 5-year-old boy. — "Do you think dreams have meanings?"

— "Well, dreams are just fabrications of our minds, sometimes we dream things we want to resolve but can't at a conscious level, other times are just memories and fantasies mixed together. Maybe it just means you miss your eomma, your old home, your years when all your life fluttered around her."

— "Or, maybe it means I love you as strong as I love my eomma." — His smile was so tender when he said that, I was left speechless. — "Nae Bella, I love you."

— "And I love you, too, Sweetie."

— "Ani Bella, you don't understand! I... LOVE... YOU." I love you in a way I can see right through you, I know your flaws and love how they make you YOU; I love your mind, I love your heart, I love the way you make me look at you, the butterflies I feel inside me when you smile, I hate the frustration I feel when I know there are other men around you. Bella... I love you. You complete me in a way I didn't know I needed to be completed."

Can this be happening? How can he feel that he loves me just like that?

— "Yoongi, I love you, too..."

He interrupted me

— "But why do I feel there's a 'but' coming?" — His eyes turned sad.

— "Yoongi, dear, MY Yoongi... I'm still afraid of loving and losing love once again, please understand me with this. You're my dream come true, you've already given light to my heart once more, but I feel like I'm living in a fantasy, and dreams and fantasies end you know? I don't know how I will be able to handle all this when it comes to an end, I just don't know!" — I couldn't help it and tears started to flow down my cheeks.

— "Bella, you can't change your past, and there's no reason to fear your future. You have to live your present to embrace your future... my present is here, right now, with you in it; and I will live in such a way to make sure you become my future, too. Why can't you do the same?"

— "Because that means that my whole life would have to change! To another continent... on my own!"

— "Who says you'll be on your own? Hmmm? What about me?" — I started sensing some frustration in him.

— "My Dear, you have a life to go back to once all this is over." — I waved around the room. — "My life, however, is not in the same place yours is. What can I do about that?"— I started raising my voice a bit, with an anguished tone.

— "Damn it, Bella!!! I'm asking you to make your life with me!!! Can't you get that? Don't you think I can make this work, WE can make this work? Is it too much to ask?" — he was also raising his voice and waving his hands around, and he sounded upset... with me.

— "Actually, Yoongi, it IS too much to ask... at least now." — Fuck!! Why did I say that!!

— "Well, then I guess there's not much to say right now. I believe you have a busy agenda before the concert, and I have to get going to the venue in a while, so..." — he went dead silent, turning around.

I grabbed his arm before he started walking away.

— "Look at me! Don't push me away, not now, please! You're right, let's live the present and take it one moment at a time... I'm sorry I bursted this all out today, I'm sorry!"

I felt like I was about to burst out in tears, and I noticed a deep frustration in his eyes. I tried to kiss him, but he was just immobile and didn't kiss me back, his sight lost somewhere out the window. So I sadly said

— "Ok... I'm leaving now, I'll be at the venue later today, as always; and I will be waiting for you once you get down the stage... as always. I love you..." — There was no use in holding back my tears anymore, so I just let them flow like hell.

Now it was him grabbing my arm and not letting me go.

— "Damn it Bella, you just make me lose control sometimes, I'm sorry. I'll see you later... I love you!" — He gave me the most incredible kiss, hugged me tight, wiped my tears away, and let me leave the room.