Maybe There's No Mistakes..

•twenty•

We ate breakfast enjoying the view of the ocean from our perch on the bed in the loft. The sun catching the waves and sending almost blinding reflections across the room.

I had just finished my coffee when my phone buzzed, I grabbed it from the nightstand realizing I had missed a string of texts from Leah this morning. I opened my messages and my felt my anxiety creeping up my chest.

You are found out Sara....'Posty out with his new girlfriend, a brunette bombshell mystery girl' you guys are too cute. 💀🥹🔥❤️

Attached were screenshots from Insta, photos of Austin and I kissing backstage, a photo of Scott helping me through the guardrail leaving the photo area, photos of the two of us looking over the railing at the club, me smiling and Austin with his arms around me whispering in my ear. The photos the waitresses took with the two of us, Austin holding me tight and kissing my cheek while the girls smile behind us.

Leah... I wish you had never sent me these. Thanks. 🙄

"Fuck.... Well that happened quick.." I said. Sitting up and pulling the covers around my chest.

"What? What happened?" Austin said, lighting a cigarette. "Why are your hands shaking? Is everything ok?" He said slightly worried, sitting up himself.

"It's fine, nothing is wrong, just... well we are publicly official, already..." I passed him my phone and he flipped through the photos. He took a pull from his cigarette and handed it back to me.

"Are you ok... baby this was my fault, I didn't think about it when I said you were my girlfriend at the restaurant. I'm so sorry baby." He sighed rubbing the back of his neck, his shoulders dropping.

"I talked to the girls in the bathroom about us too. It's not your fault, I didn't think about what I was saying until after the fact... I really need a cigarette please." I laughed nervously, trying to calm myself down before this feeling in my chest spiraled.

He passed me one and his lighter, I took a deep pull and let the nicotine fill my lungs, holding my breath for a second before I exhaled.

"Baby you told me you wanted to have your privacy and I didn't take it as seriously as I should. I feel like such an asshole. It just slipped out, and I didn't think about it. Fuck... I really fucked that up..." he started apologizing again.

"Austin, I told you this isn't your fault. Im going to have to get over my fear of all this. This is part of your life and I want to be with you, this is just a lot to deal with all at once. This whole relationship is brand new and it's just... it's just a lot." I could feel my fingers starting to tingle and the familiar fluttering of my heart in my throat. Fuck. I cannot be having a panic attack right now. I took a deep breath and another pull from my cigarette.

"Sara, sweetheart you are white as a ghost. You are definitely not ok with this.." he looked at me, seeming sad and worried.

"It's not..... it's not that.... I'm... I'm having a panic attack." I was breathless, my chest feeling like it was closing in and my hands were numb and shaking. Austin immediately realized what was going on and took the burning cigarette from my hand and dropped it in the ashtray. He pulled me close to him and held me.

"Shit! Baby, come here, let me hold you. Is this ok? I don't want to make it worse. I don't know how exactly to help you but we are gonna figure this out together, ok?" He kissed the top of my head as I nodded and tried to take a deep breath. My head spinning and tears began pooling in my eyes. The fact that I'm having a panic attack in this moment embarrassing me so much it was making things worse.

"Can you look at me baby? Look at me and take a deep breath ok. Just watch me." He pulled me into his lap, holding me almost childlike. He put my hand on his chest, so I could feel his breathing and tilted my chin up at him, locking eyes with me as he talked me through several deep breaths. He started scratching my back in the circles he did at night when we fall asleep. I could finally feel my breath slowing.