Maybe There's No Mistakes..

•forty eight•

I sat down in the bathroom, having pulled a stool close to the windows to get better lighting to put a little makeup on and fix my hair. I have never asked Austin to buy me anything, but I might have to cave and ask him for a proper vanity. Maybe if he walks in while I'm struggling he will just do it on his on, the man is extremely observant and then I know wouldn't have to ask. 

I had decided to put a little effort into myself this afternoon, we had no plans, other than my appointment with Dr Ames, but it felt like it had been too long since I had been in anything more than a messy bun and jeans. I also was trying desperately to keep myself busy while Austin was sorting out everything with Dre.

Cheryl had called, waking us, but thankfully we had gotten several hours of the most blissful and wonderful sleep I've had in months. Austin saying we may have to go visit the sheep after breakfast every morning. I agreed and suggested we tuck a blanket into the truck, I want to take full advantage of our spot under our tree. Austin was damn near ready to go back immediately after I suggested this idea.

Austin had spent quite a while on the phone with Cheryl, he had promised me when he ducked out of the bedroom to let me try and fall back asleep that he was going to tell her everything he had spilled out to me this morning. I could tell he was nervous, but when he had popped back in when I was dressing, bringing me a coffee and telling me he was going to his office to take the call with his lawyers, he told me things had went over better than he had even expected with Cheryl and that she was in his corner for this, and she would help him convince Jay the same. We didn't have much time to discuss it all but his face told me everything I needed to know. Another bit of that tired stress had melted away. He promised he would be done by the time I wanted him to join me with my appointment, telling me that he wouldn't dare miss this and that Dre would not be taking anymore of his time away from things that were actually important, especially when it involved us. The way my heart swelled at his saying this, having someone make you a priority is quite the drug.

For the first time since our first meeting, I was extremely nervous about taking with Dr Ames today. I knew that I was going to get a much deserved lecture about how important these were, and rehashing this morning with the details she expects will be tough, and I knew she was going to be disappointed in my self medication as well. I had a lot of heavy shit to get through in this session, but mostly I was nervous at the prospect of telling her exactly who Austin was. I know she will think this is a bad idea from the start, the man has a reputation that proceeds him by mile unfortunately, especially since the tabloids don't seem to care as much when you start bettering yourself.

Dr Ames had not let on a bit if she had seen articles about us anywhere. Not that I assume she was an avid tabloid reader, but she's only a couple years older than me, Austin's age, and is not what you would picture when you think of a psychiatrist. Which is one reason I was so comfortable with her. I had been introduced to her though our shared tattoo artist and had spent a couple hours chatting in his studio about everything from bands to travel and our hobbies before finding out she was a psychologist and asking for her card immediately.

I was worried at how she was going to react, if she and Austin would click like she and I have, and exactly how brutally honest she would be about her concerns with our relationship. I didn't want to have to defend him, or risk his feelings being hurt. I just want her to see how good he is to me, and how much he loves me and hopefully realize quickly that he would change his entire life to keep me where I need to be mentally. I almost felt like I needed to gear up for fight, I could feel myself getting more anxious about it by the minute. I hated feeling like I was automatically going to have to stand up for him and defend him before he was even given a chance. Ultimately my life is my decision and I don't have to have her approval, but her opinion means a lot to me and I just want her to know how happy and loved I finally feel since Austin has entered my life. How I finally feel completely safe and accepted by someone who wants nothing more than to see me happy.