Destiny ~ Dean Winchester (Love Story)

36

×Dean POV×

"Dean, just stop for a second!"
Sam was running after me, he had caught up fast- those stupid long legs.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop right now, I had to get out of this hotel as fast as possible. I already felt the familiar acid making it's way up my throat and I didn't know how much longer I was able to hold back.

He raped me.

Disgust lacerated me from the inside out. Not only because of Alastair crossing that line but because of how I treated Angie about it.
How I accused her of working together with the person that took away the rights to her body and her own mind.

Only a few more steps. There was a little green patch in front of the hotel, a tree. I managed to close the distance.

Everyday he said I was an abomination, worthless and disgusting.

I violently threw up, Angie's words echoing in the back of my head.
My hand grabbed the tree trunk for support, stabilizing myself so I wouldn't fall over.
I let everything out until I only gagged.
I would've deserved to throw my organs up for what I did to Angie but I didn't.

"Are you drunk?", Sam asked accusingly and I just shook my head no, unable to speak.
When I turned around he stood right behind me. I knew he wasn't comfortable with puke but there had been no way of stopping this.

"Sorry.", I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
Sorry that I'm an idiot.
Sorry that I ruined everything.

I gathered some saliva in my mouth and spit one more time to get the taste from my tongue.

Another ugly feeling crept up to my lungs, the familiar illusion of not getting enough air.

"I'm sorry.", I repeated myself, short on breath.
I was about to have a panic attack.
Breathe in slowly Dean.

My lungs were protesting, telling myself that I had to breathe faster, that it wasn't enough air. I'd drown.

"Damnit, Dean. Say that to her, not to me!" Sam was angry.
No that didn't quite cut it: He was disappointed.

Breathe.

What exactly did he expect me to do right now? Go back in, tell Angie that it wasn't her fault, it was mine?
If I was lucky she'd just put me back on that wall with her powers and let everything out on me until we had the chance of being okay again.
I'd take every hit.

But I feared to do more damage than repair if I went back right now.
I had to respect that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
I made her cry like that. It was my fault she was literally on the ground, asking herself why she ever had to meet me.

"You saw her face. You heard what she said. It's too late."
I needed to distance myself from that right now or I'd throw up again and then I'd suffocate.
There was fresh air all around us and still it felt like I was in a vacuum.
I had to get back to the car before I collapsed on the ground like the pathetic, evil bastard I was.

"Okay, then explain it to me. What exactly-"

"No. Just forget it.", I interrupted him rudely and started walking back to my Impala.
I didn't even see the punch coming.
He hit me right in the jaw, making me almost fall over.
A little bit more force and Sam would've knocked me out.