𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒉𝒊𝒄||Regulus Black

32

<Carmen>

March was a boring month to say the least. The first two weeks were a blast of school work and classes and teachers scolding most students for not studying enough.

But today? Today is the day students leave hogwarts for spring break, notice my word? students but not me, my mother sent me a letter declaring her unbothered state of mind if  I choose to spend the holidays at home but I chose to ignore it, It was hardly a home anyway.

What a pity to call her that name; Mother, she was never a mother to me but certainly is for  my older siblings: Maxene and Tristan, who ever so freely left the house and explored their own independent self.

how I wish I could achieve that too...

But then again, Maxene was nothing like our mother and even though we didn't share the same father she deeply cared for me and treated me like her child,

I remember the days when I was too young to understand and spent my days and nights crying over my mother's acts and why she wouldn't simply love me Max would come to my room, pat my back and say; "one day someone will love you just as much as you want to be loved."

Always the same damn thing and while it used to bring me comfort then, now it doesn't do much so, because deep down I know that no one would love me as much as I want to be loved, no one would find me interesting enough to explore the depth of my heart and the dark corners of my soul, no one has the patience to and if they do I'm sure they won't waste it on me.

Right now I'm laying on a random couch in the empty common room, I was bored beyond relief and with my friends gone I had nothing to do.

It felt good saying that,

My friends

My friends

My friends

I kept repeating the words over and over again until I felt a smile forming, It was heartwarming finally having friends and while I wasn't close to all of them I'm entirely grateful for their presence, I was grateful for Evan's weird sense of fashion, I was grateful for Pandora's kindness, I was grateful for Dorcas' humor, I was grateful for Barty's playfulness and... Well? I couldn't find anything for Regulus,

While he was slowly being less bitchy he was still closed off and secretive.

My mind chose to project the memories of last week when I was mostly drunk, and while I couldn't remember everything but there were certain moments where I remembered everything, every single touch, every single word

I remembered how he held me by the waist to support me, how his hands felt there, his touch was torture.

I remembered how he fed me and was surprisingly patient with me, but most of all, I remembered the unpleasant look that took over his features upon realizing the shameless gaze of the waiter, was he jealous?

no , no , no

My mind kept denying that, he couldn't be jealous he was just defending me, but then again he called me his girlfriend ,

no , no , no

My mind repeated, he's just possessive like that.

I wonder what his touch felt like, what it would feel like to feel him touch me willingly.

no, no, no

Beside the occasional teasing, he kissed me, and even if it wasn't real, it was a kiss, maybe he though that this agreement was hilarious?