Taylor Swift Imagines - Book Five (gxg)

you're safe now (requested)

Author's Note: This chapter contains possibly triggering and sensitive content. It talks about relapsing into self-harm and an eating disorder.

If that makes you uncomfortable, please do not read this chapter! I will be updating this book again soon. You all know I try to update it every day if I can. So if you're uncomfortable, just wait for the next update. I promise it won't be long.

Also, always remember that you are loved and you are beautiful. No matter what anyone else says, I think each and every one of you is so beautiful and I love you all very much.

Okay, enjoy.

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Taylor was over the moon to finally be home after a long few weeks away.

She's been traveling to promote her newest Taylor's Version album and did a small tour along with it, just a few shows in a few places.

It wasn't anything huge and she wasn't gone for too long but she was away from you for longer than she liked.

Usually, you either travel with her or pay her a visit or two while she travels and performs.

But you couldn't this time around due to prior and personal commitments.

So now that she's home, she's overjoyed.

She thought you'd run to her and jump into her arms when she closed the front door but to her surprise, it was quiet and you weren't leaping into her arms.

"Y/N? I'm home, baby!" She called out.

But all she got in return was silence.

She was especially worried when she found the downstairs area of your shared home empty.

But she tried to reason with her mind, telling herself that you were probably just asleep so deep you just didn't hear her.

Or maybe you had your headphones in and your music was up so loud that it blocked out her voice.

"Darling?" She spoke as she climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to the bedroom.

Her heart sank when, before she even entered the room, she heard you crying.

She froze for a second but quickly, the need to comfort you and make everything better rushed over her and she hurried into the bedroom.

You were on the floor, curled up with your knees to your chest as you sobbed.

"Y/N? Baby, what is it?" She asked as she sat down beside you. "Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

"No." You mumbled in between your cries and uneven breaths.

"Talk to me. Tell me what happened."

It was so hard to say the words on the tip of your tongue.

You had done so well for so long.

But being alone was hard for you and the words and hurtful comments people left on social media and your posts were so horrible that it just did something to your mind.

But you could hardly say the words; the truth behind your heart-wrenching sobs.

"Shh. It's okay, I'm here now. Talk to me." She spoke as she pulled you into her arms and held you tight.

"I don't want you to be angry or disappointed in me..." You sniffled.

Taylor gently put her hands on your cheeks and made you lock eyes with her.

"I could never be angry or disappointed in you. Tell me, baby. What's bothering you?"

"Tay... I relapsed." You confessed.

She was quiet as a lump appeared in her throat.

She wasn't angry.

She wasn't disappointed.

She just didn't see it coming.

You took her silence as something else, the complete opposite of what was actually going on.

"I'm sorry. I understand if you're upset."

"Upset?" She questioned quietly, almost unable to find her voice. "No, love. Not in the slightest."

You exhaled and stared at her hands as she moved them from your cheeks so she could grab your hands instead.

"I was just surprised. I didn't expect it." She whispered. "Baby, I'm sorry you were suffering and hurting while I was away. I wasn't here to help you and care for you."

"It's not your fault, Tay. Please don't apologize." You sniffled. "The comments, the words they said, and the way they treat me sometimes... it hurt. And I just couldn't take it."

Taylor nodded her head understandingly as she closed her eyes.

A tear slipped down her cheek and you wiped it away with a shaky hand.

"You're not eating again?" She whispered as she turned your wrists over, seeing the cuts along them. "And you're harming yourself again?"

"Yes." You confessed. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, love, don't be sorry." She said as she held you tight. "It's okay. I'm here now. We'll get you help and I'll be right there beside you every step of the way. I'll do everything I can to make it better."

You nodded wordlessly as more tears slipped down your cheeks as Taylor ran her hands across your back soothingly.

"You know I love you, right? More than anything in the whole entire world. I would do anything for you. I don't care what anyone says, you are absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. To me, you're perfect. Just as you are."

You hear those words sometimes from other people.

From some of Taylor's fans, your friends, your family, Taylor's friends and family.

But it doesn't ever compare to hearing them from her.

They always mean the most when they fall from her lips.

"Don't change, okay? Not for anyone. Don't hurt yourself. You're so beautiful and I love you very much. I need you around for a long time. Until we're old and grey and one hundred and thirteen."

You chuckled tearfully.

"Surrounded by thirteen cats and all the ones we love. Until that day, I need you by my side. I need you to be healthy and safe. I need you. Always."

"Okay. I'll try to get help, Tay. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I relapsed and I didn't talk to you sooner."

"Don't be. It's alright, love. Truly, I promise. Everything's going to be okay. You're safe now. I'm home now." She said as she lovingly kissed your forehead. "I'll hold your hand every step of the way, no matter what's ahead."

"I love you so much." You said as you hugged her tight, never wanting to let her go or be let go of.

Taylor smiled a little as she kissed your forehead again, her lips lingering for a few seconds after this time around as she said,

"I love you more."