[ONGOING] Assassin's Creed Oneshots (REQUESTS OPEN - SMUT INCLUDED)

WHAT THEＦＵＣＫ/so i found a dollar store Edward Kenway but he was a fucking dick-

Quick TW/CW: Mentions of death, gore, passing mention of domestic abuse (?), passing mention of homophobia, passing mention of sexism/misogyny

(pls accept a fanart of mad drunk Jacob for comfort 😭)

BRO 

LIKE

YK THAT FORMER TOXIC CRUSH I VENTED AB A WHILE BACK?

WELL

SHES FUCKING PSYCHOTIC NOW I FUCKING SWEAR

LIKE

THIS BITCH IS SO CRAZY

IM  SO GLAD I LOST FEELINGS

(somehow i have a tiny-ass sense of decorum and blurred her Snapchat name 😭)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CANT

(no i didn't talk to her on Snap my friend got me screenshots from a GC bc they told me ab it and i wanted to see it)

THIS GIRLS PURE PYSCHOTIC

LIKE

I SWEAR

EVER SINCE IVE LOST FEELINGS SHES BEEN GOING DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE 

SO MY THEORY IS AFTER I LOST FEELINGS SHE LOST SOMEONE TO MANIPULATE SO SHE WENT LOCO

LIKE

STRAIGHTJACKET LAMBETH ASYLUM FROM AC SYNDICATE LOCO

I FUCKING CANT

sorry for venting so much i just needed a fucking outlet because shitttttttttttttt

life is stress all around but good news is i'm not like SHing or anything and haven't been for a couple weeks

so

OH MORE TEA

bro there's a fucking dollar store Edward Kenway in my grade-

like

(his name's fucking Luke but 😭)

ANYWAYS

bro's hair is basically Edward's in the trailer 

(image of Edward for reference so yk what i'm talking ab 😭)

anyways

yeah

i uh

i had a crush on this guy for like 24 hours (not my best moment)

and then my friend who'd already crushed on him and then lost feelings right?

she pulled me aside and was like, "Ash, get your ass together because the dollar store Edward Kenway is a sexist, misogynist and homophobe" right? (i paraphrased it but yk what i mean 😭)

and my pan enby ass just standing there like:

anyways in the beginning i was like, "Eh, it's fine" and she was like "Bitch get out of your delulus and come back to Earth, because he's probably the kinda guy to beat his partner" (well i think thats what she said the 'he's probably the kinda guy to eat his partner' is most likely my other friend but-)

so

i snapped out of it, lost feelings, all that

and like

yeah

okay so i may have yelled pizdo (Polish for cunt) in his direction once and he looked back at me but i was wheezing to death

anyways like another time (like last fucking week) i had to get into my English classroom and bro was in the doorway

so im like "Hey, do you mind moving?" and it was mumbled and he heard me and stepped aside

i think i shouldve shoved him

(should i have shoved him? i need your opinion on this)

but like anyways

i see him around the school

and like

bro broke his fucking ankle 'falling' on saturday or some shit (the friend who provided me the screenshots is in the same Business class as him so yeah that's how i know actually the Dollar Store Edward Kenway tried to tell my friend to fight him and it was so stupid 😭)

so when i saw him i started laughing

i shouldnt have laughed but like i couldnt help it 😭

honestly i wanna apologize to another friend of mine bc she let me use her phone to take pics/vids of this dude thats how idiotic i was

like

yeah

thats my rant ig 😭

thanks for reading this-

song recommendations:

https://open.spotify.com/track/5NQbUaeTEOGdD6hHcre0dZ?si=0ad68b164e154cba (679 by Fetty Wap and Remy Boyz–my fucking ADHD loves this song and idk why)

https://open.spotify.com/track/003ejyjzZZWNN66LtIuzew?si=8dc13c09854a4c39 (Montero (Call Me By Your Name) but bardcore bro like idk why its so good helpppp)

but yeah

uh

bye-

-Ash ✨