STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 8

Sorry it took so long :3 I've been busy... or actually hurt. I have a torn muscle. Meaning many injections and pills and rest. Slept a lot :3 It's acted like an extended Spring Break.

Anyway. Enjoy! 

Kewk :3

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I remember that when I was a younger child one of my best characteristics was that I could get along with almost anyone, or people go along with me, without leaving any resentment or any real feeling behind. That’s what probably led me to observe everything that went on around me. Since I wouldn’t really get attached to any person in particular, I tended to analyze people out of the pure thrill of it.

During my early middle-school year my talents were beyond expectations due to that ‘quality’ but that was because I’d pay attention to the slightest of details. Precisely because of this, I did have a ‘love life’ for a short while with a guy but I think it never really felt like it was supposed to be. There were no dreamy eyes, fantasies, or any exciting thing in particular. I tried though. I kissed him just to see if it would trigger something but it didn’t. At least not inside of me.

That’s also probably why I’ve never thought too much of relationships. They’ve always seemed boring in my head, in the movies and t.v. shows. I didn’t understand that though, because I was really observant and things always looked great to other people. Then came the day I had to give the trumpet concert in L.A. I was really excited to perform… yet there were so many couples, families, friends. All watching me as if my music was what would determine the quality of their night. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel as if it was too much pressure for me… and I thought of that during the time I played those high notes into the echoing theatre. The concert ended and I was there, standing alone receiving the applause. I didn’t like it though. All the faces, everything seemed not to match the sound. As if it was all false.

That’s when I decided I wouldn’t do the effort anymore when it came to coming into contact with another person. Though somehow a certain thing came unexpectedly: Stage fright. Not that I didn’t mind it, but it affected my abilities to learn and participate in summer camps during the following years. That’s why I ended up practicing basically by myself in practically in isolation with the same teacher at the IMT.

Until Zoë came.

Right now though. It wasn’t about her. It was about Jessica who was starting to move her lips against my frozen ones. I wasn’t frozen from the usual panic I have, but because I didn’t know how to respond to this. What the heck was I supposed to do? Remember those kids cartoons you used to watch when you were just a little kid? Well, I felt like as if a light bulb hovering above my head had just being turned on using bold colors.

I was paralyzed in place but I knew there was something different about this. My lips actually tingled from Jessica’s touch, and I felt the heat radiating from… her mouth or mine? Not sure.

Well. Other than the fact that my body couldn’t move I don’t know how but the reason to the feeling finally go registered by my brain. My eyes shot wide open to look at Jessica’s face lingering in front of me. Her eyes were closed and I realized what she was doing. What we must have looked like at the moment.

Dude… Am I gay?

Instantaneously my hands, barely free from my panicked state, made their way to Jessica’s shoulder and I used all of my available strength to push her off me.

“Hmmm…” A grin escaped from the corner of Jessica’s lip. “Interesting.”

I must admit that I don’t know where I got my guts out without thinking about bringing them out. But I’m glad they decided to reveal themselves now because I really needed them at the moment.