STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 36

Monday April 7th

Dear Zoë,

         If you're reading this letter then you know I'm probably dead already. You probably went into my room out of the desperation of miraculously finding me there. Or maybe you were cleaning my room out. However you did it, you found this letter .

         You see, I'm mad with this world... but I'm not. It's an unfair place... but I understand why that is. Understanding is probably the most difficult part. It's like, I know why things happen, and I know what's the best to do or not to do and therefore morality guides my behavior.

          Not this time around though.

        … I wondered if to leave something written behind. If anyone, except for the obvious people, would care. See? I know there's people that love me... but they're not enough. They don't fulfill this emptiness I feel.

         In any case, you'd ask yourself: 'Why?'

        And I'd tell you: 'Because I don't get it. I don't get what this is all about. Life.... You DO get it. But I don't. I simply don't see what's the fun in it even if I'm laughing. I don't know what there's to enjoy even if I'm listening you play or watching you conduct an orchestra... You're what I love the most... but I don't see where love really is.'

        And you'd look at me as if you don't understand... because that's not the kind of person you are. You feel empathy so you will feel, in a way, what I feel. But you won't completely understand. The thoughts. The way I perceive things... Yet it's not necessary for you to understand. Some things are personal, our own. And I'd hate it if you saw things the way I do.

       In the end, I'd say: 'I'm sorry, Zoë.'

       I know. I know. You might be wondering right now the reason why I didn't write a letter adressing everyone... or no one in particular. A general letter. Why I directed it to you.

     It's because of what I wanted to say. I knew that if you were the one read it, you'd understand much more than anyone else. I know I said you wouldn't understand. And you wouldn't... but the others would understand much less. They're far behind from you.

       Look, I love you.

      Zoë... Believe me when I say that you're probably, to every person who considers you close, the sun of their daily mornings and afternoons... and the full moon in their dark evenings. It's something that comes natural to you. You're everything a person can be in true nature. You are full of joy, you are so compassionate... and you don't seem to fear the tough things in life. You're reflective, smart, outgoing... Never change all of that...

       But remember that's there's never shame in being covered by clouds. The simple fact that it can happen simply shows that you're a human. That you feel. Let everything the come around just pass by. Even if it means crying, even if it means breaking a leg and not being able to use you'r motorcycle for a while...

       I don't have more to say.

       I love you.

Your sister,

Frances Bach

P.S. I hope that the person you end up with, whenever it might be (who knows? In 20 years maybe.), truly loves you.