My forever

Chapter 18 - Confirmation

A/N This chapter does contain storylines about anxiety and panic attacks

Two days later I'm having my scan of my knee, Jonas has given leah the past couple of days to look after me and she's coming with me for my scan today. I'm nervous as I want to know how long my recovery's going to take. It's a little bit harder for me being a keeper as they have to make absolutely sure that my knee is in perfect condition before I'm even allowed to train. Leah is obviously driving as well you know. So we've swapped roles for the time being. I hold leahs hand as she drives and she says to me 'how are you feeling today?' I look up from my phone and say to her 'I mean I was really upset yesterday but obviously you know that, but I think I'm okay now. I think the best way to get through this is not sitting wondering why its happened and to just accept that it has. Obviously I've got you and you'll still be playing and ill be their every game. It just sucks a a little bit you know?'. She brings my hand up and kisses it. 'Baby I'm so proud of you. We're gonna get through this together and you'll be back playing before you even know it.' I look over at her and just think about how lucky I am 'I love you leah. I say it a lot but I really do I'm so thankful we found each other.' She smiles and replies 'I love you too baby.'

For the rest of the journey I go back to scrolling to my phone. There's a lot of comments on the training pictures asking for me, and wondering where I am. I'm gutted I cant say anything yet but the arsenal media team will announce it once my scans been done and everything's been confirmed. I decide now that I want to announce mine and leahs engagement before the acl news comes out so its not overshadowed by that. I type up a draft and read it to leah. 'Babe I've written out what I want to post.' 'Okay baby let me hear'. I pull it up and my phone and read allowed 'a few months ago I made the decision to ask leah to marry me. With the help of beth I chose a ring and the plan was in place. This plan was nearly spoiled by me and beth being photographed together, but I managed to convince leah I was just helping beth out. With everything sorted I made all the arrangements for the proposal. And so I proposed to leah on the evening of our one year anniversary at St George's park where we first met. Leah we've only been together for a year but I've loved you since that very first day I cant wait for us to get married and spend our lives together. I love you so much you're my forever baby. here's too us.' Leah's tearing up and I can't help but laugh at her 'Leah keep your eyes on the road, this is why I'm the driver in the relationship.' She laughs back and says 'it's perfect baby ill post one too when we get to the grounds.' I choose the pictures of me and Leah and post the video but cut it to just the proposal and I hit post.

Once we get to the training grounds leah comes round and helps me get out of the car. She gives me my crutches and we walk in together. We get to the physio room and Jonas greets us, he wanted to be here for the scan too. Leah wants to come in and hold my hand. I just laugh at her and say 'Le ill be fine you cant come in with me anyway.' She looks over at the physios as if to ask them and they agree with me 'yeah leah you can't go in there.' She sits down and sulks and I can't help but laugh even more, next thing shell want to be in the operating room with me too. I go into the room with emma the physio and she gets me set up in the machine and we start the scan. It takes five minutes, they have to get as many angles as possible so they have a good view of the tear. Emma helps me down off the table and helps put the brace back on. She goes and gets my crutches from the other room and brings them to me and I go and join leah and Jonas in the physio room.

It takes half an hour for them too look through the scans and assess everything that's needed to be assessed and the team doctor comes out to speak to us. 'So Jayde unfortunately it is a complete rupture and will need surgery to fix, we've booked you in for surgery in two weeks and until then you can stay at home and rest. Keep using the crutches and brace, and when you're not moving around at home try and ice and elevate your leg for fifteen minutes at a time.' I look down at the ground and tears start to fall, I've accepted the injury but I know recovery is not going to be easy and I'm terrified of having the surgery. Leah rubs my back whilst Jonas is talking to the doctor but I just zone out. I want to go home.

Jonas finishes up talking to the doctor and leah whispers to me 'what do you need baby', I nuzzle into her neck and say 'I just want to go home le.' She gets up to speak to Jonas and says she's going to take me home. Jonas agrees and tells leah she can still have today off but she needs to be back for training tomorrow as the Lyon game is very important. Leah says thank you and comes back to get me. 'Come on baby lets get you home' she says. I get my crutches and we go back out to the car. A few of the girls come up to us but leah can sense I'm not in the mood for talking and so tells them shell call them later. We get to the car and leah helps me but as soon as I'm in the car I just break down again. Leah gets in the other side and notices that I'm crying. 'Baby talk to me whats going through your head.' I try to speak but the words don't come out and I realise I've started to panic.

I start fiddling my fingers and my breathing speeds up leah notices these things and immediately knows what to do she grabs my hands and pulls my head onto her chest. 'Okay baby listen to the sound of my heartbeat okay, try and just focus on that.' I slowly stop crying and she notices that now is when she needs to try and get my breathing back. 'Good baby you're doing good, now listen to my breathing okay and were going to breathe in for four and out for four.' She keeps hold of me and eventually she manages to pull me out of it. I look up at her and say 'thank you' my voice is weak and tired but I still manage to say it. She doesn't say anything just kisses my head and I sit back. She keeps hold of my hand for the drive home, like we always do but every so often I feel her check her grip, we always hold hands whilst driving but this felt different. This was a more loving and gentle experience. It was leahs way of checking I was still okay.

We get home and leah helps me out of the car and up to our bedroom, she settles me down onto the bed and takes my brace off, placing it onto the floor next to me. She props my leg up on a pillow to go and get an ice pack. The club gave us special ice packs that act as a support at the same time. She leans down and gives me a kiss saying 'I'm just gonna go out for a bit baby ill be back soon okay?' I kiss her back and ask 'where are you going?' She gives me one last kiss and just says 'you'll see' before leaving. I shift to lay down and close my eyes just wanting a little rest.