Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Dealer Incentive

Tucker, Gus, Lillith, and Caboose have Donut surrounded inside the blue base.

Tucker: So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us.

Donut: Female?! I'm not a girl.

Tucker: Tease.

Donut: I just have light red armor.

Caboose: How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable.

Gus: It really dose.

Donut: At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' awful, but the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!

Tucker: Silence, woman!

Lillith: He's not a woman!

Cut to Sarge addressing Simmons, Eda, Hunter, Amity, and Grif.

Sarge: Good Buddha's noodle, how could this have happened?

Simmons: It's okay sir. It was a strong plan. Grif's just a dumbass.

Hunter: I think Donut is the dumbass.

Grif: Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex.

Eda: You are?

Grif: I have no idea.

Sarge: Settle down, ladies. We need a new strategem, and we need it fast.

Simmons: Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything.

Grif: Everything like what? Where we keep his tampons?

Eda and Amity: What did you say!?

Grif: Nothing!

Sarge: You're right about that, Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!

Hunter: How can torture be entertaining!?

Sarge: Your just proving my point.

Hunter: What point!?

Church enters the blue base with Tucker waiting for him.

Church: How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet?

Tucker: I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything. Except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?

Church: Do we have a crock pot?

Tucker: No, Caboose made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box.

Church: What was in the mystery box?

Tucker: A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise.

Church: Well that's a good trade.

Tucker: Yeah it doubles as a great sunscreen.

Church: How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the Reds.

Tucker: ...

Church and Tucker: ...

Church: The plan does not involve mayonnaise.

Tucker: Dammit, I knew there would be a catch.

Camera zips around to another part of the blue base, where Caboose, Gus, and Donut are.

Caboose: That was fun. Okay, okay, your turn. Truth or dare.

Donut: Hmm, truth!

Caboose: Okay. Tell me all of the Red secret plans!