Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Spelunked

Fade in to Sarge in the cavern

Sarge: Yeaow, what in the... stupid Grif and Simmons. Can't even build a regulation grave! At least Eda and Hunter knew what they were doing! What did we run all those drills for? So, this is the afterlife, huh? Heh. Not too impressive if you ask me. This place is a wreck! Who's in charge here, anyway? Need to get me a couple o' Marine Angels, get this place spic 'n' span in no time. You know, now that I think about it, I don't seem to remember much about underground caves in the Bible. Not even that new Bible they rewrote in twenty-forty, with that big chase scene and that weird cameo by Ben Stiller. That guy's a nut. Wait a minute afterlife!? Underground cave!? What if this isn't Heaven! What if it's... noh, it couldn't be. Could it?

Donut: Oh hey Sarge. What're you doin' down here?

Sarge: It is! Oh, it is.

Cut to Caboose, Tucker, Gus, and Church watching Tex, V, and Sister from afar

Church: Oh man, this is not gonna work out well for us.

Tucker: Dude, are you kidding? We finally have five girls on our team. You know what that means.

Caboose: Yeah. Co-ed softball team! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket.

Gus: We really should start taking sports. Get some team building thing.

Church: Tucker, I know what you're thinking, and it's not gonna happen.

Tucker: Oh, why not. Plus we have Luz and Lilith they get along just fine.

Church: Well Luz is Luz she gets along with everyone. Lilith more of a loner and is the captain. But other girls can't share anything. Not even an apartment. Every time girls live together, within six months, they all hate each other, and somebody gets stuck with a twelve hundred dollar phone bill. That's fact.

Tucker: Ah, let them fight. As long as we get to watch them making up who cares? We can even record it and sell copies to the Reds. Gus did you add-.

Gus: I'm going to stop you right there. No I did not because I'm not a sick.

Tucker: Come on!

Back to the cavern

Sarge: Nooooo. Moooan.

Donut: It's been crazy down here Sarge.

Sarge: Noooo.

Donut: You wouldn't believe all the stuff I found.

Sarge: Sorrowful sounds. Pleas for forgiveness.

Donut: Sarge, keep it down.

Sarge: I have sinned.

Donut: We don't want them to hear you.

Sarge: Donut. Don't interrupt my repentful moaning. If I want God to forgive me, I need to be as miserable as possible. He loves that stuff.

Donut: This isn't Hell, Sarge! And you're not dead.

Sarge: Repent! Repent!

Donut: Come on Sarge, be quiet. I've been exploring down here and I've found some really crazy stuff. Look!

Donut and Sarge peer at a Blue facility from a distance.

Sarge: Why that fort looks like a Blue Base. And just when I thought Hell couldn't get any worse.

Donut: Yeah, but look at that.

Donut points at a big purple thing.

Sarge: What in the hell is that thing?

Donut: I don't know, but it sure looks a lot like the motorcycle I found in the cave upstairs.

Sarge: Donut why didn't you report this?

Donut: I couldn't! My radio broke when I fell.

Eda: Sarge! Donut!

Sarge and Donut see Eda and Lilith running to them.

Lilith: Ok I'm starting to not wanting be your prisoner now.

Eda: There are Sarge and it's good to see you again.

Sarge: Same to you Eda. For you dirty blue sure we sent you free when we get out of here. We got all the information we need.

Queue radio sounds

Simmons: Come in Sarge, are you there?

Sarge: Hello, is that you Simmons?

Donut: No, I'm Dooonut. Did you get amnesia from your fall or something?

Eda: Shut up, Donut. He's taking to Simmons though the radio.

Donut: Uh, okay.

Simmons: Sarge, we're down in the cave with you. Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay.

Sarge: Fine. What's your location?

Simmons: We're looking for you right now, this place is huge! Grif, Hunter, are with me and we're up on top of some kind of peninsular outcropping.

Sarge: Euh, you're on top o' Grif's what?

Simmons: No, we're on a peninsular ledge trying to find you.

Sarge: Roger that, I've got Donut, Eda, Lilith. You sit tight and we'll find you.

Cut to Simmons, Grif, and Hunter.

Simmons: Roger that. Simmons out.

Hunter: Dude, what was all that stuff about your penis ruler?

Grif: Plus why did you take it down here?

Simmons: I wasn't talking about that!

Cut back to the rest of the reds plus Lilith.

Sarge: I told him to hold still, we'll come to them.

Eda: Glad to hear but where are they?

Donut: Guys, I don't think you realize just how big this place is. There's no landmarks or anything, just one rock after another that all look the same. Finding them will be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Sarge: He said they were standing on some kind of a, penis nu-

Donut: Oh! I know where that is. Let's go.

Lilith: Why does that sound normal for him to say?

Eda: Don't worry it's completely normal for him.