Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Right to Remain Silenced

Fade in to Red Base

Simmons: Sarge, finally, I need to tell you what the Blues are planning.

Sarge: I thought I told you idiots not to let this traitorous scumbag in the base!

Simmons: Good to see you too, sir.

Grif: We didn't let him in the base.

Sarge: He's standing right here.

Grif: Well obviously he penetrated the defensive protocol that me and Private Donut and Hunter established.

Simmons: Defense protocol? You asked me what the password was.

Grif: And you knew it.

Simmons: I guessed it. By the way, the password was 'password.'

Grif: It's so obvious, it's impossible to guess!

Sarge: Diabolical.

Simmons: A password should contain at least one number, and one letter. For example, your password would be "2dumb2live".

Sarge: Excellent burn.

Simmons: Thank you, sir.

Sarge: Traitor.

Simmons: Dammit.

Hunter: A good password would be drowssap.

Simmons: What?

Hunter: Is password spelled backwards.

Sarge: That's pretty smart Hunter but Grif's stupidity aside, I'm not speaking with you until we punish your insubordination and treason.

Simmons: How about I just trade you the information that I learned from the Blues?

Sarge: No! We have to have a trial. Right here, right now.

Simmons: What? We don't even have a judge.

Sarge: Inaffirmative. In my civilian life, I worked as a judge for many years.

Grif: What level? Municipal?

Hunter: Federal?

Sarge: Livestock. And occasionally agriculture. Now let's find out if Simmons is guilty of treason or best in breed.

Simmons: I don't recognize the authority of this court.

Sarge: No-one cares what a convicted criminal thinks.

Simmons: But aren't I innocent until you prove me guilty?

Sarge: Nonsense! Why would we waste time having trials for innocent people? That would be a waste of resources.

Hunter: The point of court is prove someone's not guilty.

Simmons: But I'm not guilty until you hold trial and convict me.

Sarge: So you admit it's a foregone conclusion!

Simmons: No- wait, I mean no- yes-no, that was right, I think.

Hunter: Sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

Grif: Okay, this is officially more boring than any of the other times I've been to court. Permission to sigh and walk away sir?

Sarge: Permission denied. If you leave, Simmons won't have anybody to defend him!

Simmons: Whowowowhoa wait a second, I prefer to defend myself.

Sarge: I knew you'd say that, and as the old saying goes, a person who chooses to defend himself, has a fool for a lawyer. And that fool is Grif.

Grif: Who's the prosecution?